Ask Garnet

First G-Spot Toy

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Q: What would you recommend for a first g spot dildo? I’ve only experimented with bullets before and I don’t like how flimsy they’re built or their lack of power. Any advice would be appreciated.

A: As with any firsts, I tend to recommend that people start on the cheaper side to see if they enjoy the type of stimulation that that particular toy provides, and to learn more about what they really want in a toy of that type. It’s also a good idea to go for something with a lot of versatility so that you can find out for yourself exactly what it is your like and what you don’t like.

The qualities you look for in any g-spot stimulator will be a pronounced curve with which to stimulate the g-spot, and firmness. Most g-spots prefer a firm touch, not a light tickle. But that doesn’t mean you have to start beating at it with steel. A firm silicone should do the job as well.

But I’m a little confused here because you’re asking about dildos and then you mentioned vibrating bullets. Dildos, in general, don’t vibrate. Although, some come with bullets that you can place inside of them so that they do vibrate. If the usual one speed bullet doesn’t do it for you, there is the option of using other bullets that are a similar size. The RO-80mm Bullet Vibe packs a bit more of a punch than the standard bullet that comes with dildos, but it’s still cordless. If you want a vibe that is going to be even stronger you’re going to have to start looking at cords, but I warn you that you should never pull the vibe out of the dildo by it’s cord as that will break it very easily. The Turbo Bullet is a great option for a vibe that will fit in a standard vibe hole in your dildo. It’s a heck of a lot stronger than the standard vibe and has a few different speeds.

G-Spot Dildos

There are a lot of great g-spot dildos on the market and the favorites tend to be pricier, but since we’re just starting out we’re not looking for anything expensive. I suggest you try:

Rose G-Spotter- A glass toy which will give you the pressure your g-spot wants. It has a pronounced curve which will make finding your g-spot easy and a handle so you don’t lose your grip. If it turns out you don’t enjoy g-spot stimulation, you can use the other side as a dildo as well! That’s what I call versatile. And at $38 it’s very affordable. Does not vibrate.
Ella – This is my favorite g-spot dildo. It’s made of a firm silicone and it’s flat head on a curved angle keeps constant contact with your g-spot. A sensation that is unlike most other g-spot toys which just kind of scratch the surface. Plus it’s made by Lelo so you know it’s high quality. You can also use both sides of this toy. I personally find that it’s nice to warm up with the straight end and then get off with the curved side. This one is $44. Does not vibrate.
Gee Whiz – If you already have a Hitachi Magic Wand this may be the perfect option. It’s a silicone g-spot dildo that fits over the head and give you the powerful vibrations that you desire. $50

There are other great g-spot dildos, some that vibrate and some that don’t, but I was trying to stick to $50 or less. So if you’re willing to spend more then great, but for a first time toy, I wouldn’t go crazy.

G-Spot Vibrators

Here are some of the less expensive, but still good quality g-spot vibes on the market that are great for newbies:

Orchid G – This is an insanely popular vibrator, and for good reason. At $22 it won’t break the bank and it works great for internal and external stimulation. If it turns out you don’t like g-spot stimulation from a vibrator, this is great for using clitorally and can be great for partner sex because it easily fits between two people with it’s long handle. It’s hard plastic so it’s not the awesomest of toys and will get louder over time, but it is what it is. Plus, if you want to read up on g-spot stimulation and get this toy you can save by getting the G-spot Kit. With 2 AA batteries, this vibe is relatively strong as well.
Venus - This is a great G-spot vibe if you want a bit softer of a texture than the Orchid G can provide. It says it’s silicone which is probably true, but I doubt it’s a high quality medical grade silicone given the manufacturer. Still, at $30 it’s inexpensive and has variable vibration speeds with a g-spot curve.
Briana – This is a g-spot toy for those who prefer a bit more girth. It’s made out of a softer plastic that is phthalate free, but I’d still recommend using a condom with it since it is porous which means bacteria can harbor in it. The vibrations on this one are a bit rumblier than the other two mentioned. This one is also $22 and totally affordable.

And be sure to use plenty of lube! A thinner lube that glides easily may be your best option. I suggest Sliquid H2O with all toys or Sliquid Silver with non-silicone toys.

Vaginal Contraceptive Film

Q: My husband went to Walgreens to pick up some condoms. He said he saw VCF there, which he hasn’t seen in a long time. I went to the website because I’ve actually never heard of this film. Nowhere did it have it’s efficacy against pregnancy. It did however say “no birth control is 100% accurate” lol. We’re married and fine if it happens that I get pregnant..and it seems it might be better since we don’t have to stop to put on a condom. Thoughts?

A: For those who do not know, VCF is Vaginal Contraceptive Film. It is a small, thin, transluscent square that a woman inserts inside of her vagina. After about 15 minutes the sheet melts and coats the cervix with spermicide. It’s kind of like those mint strips you put in your mouth to freshen your breath, but for your vag to keep you from getting pregnant. It is not effective against STIs, and may actually increase your risk, which I will get into later.

The efficacy rates for pregnancy prevention are about 74% for normal use, 94% for perfect use. When paired with condoms the efficacy rate gets up to about 97%. When I say normal use vs. perfect use what I mean is that people screw shit up and don’t always do it right. In general, the more often you use something the better you get at it. So that 74% tends to be for the first year that you use a new method and your efficacy goes up from there. When I say 94% for perfect use that means how effective it is if you use it the correct way every time

You say that it sounds like it might be better because you won’t have to stop to put on a condom. However, you still have to stop to put in the VCF and then wait 15 minutes to make sure it is effective. So unless you plan ahead you will still be stopping and possibly stopping and waiting. And you may not want to plan ahead in this case unless you’re absolutely positive that you’ll be having sex later and this is why …

Nonoxynol-9

VCF is made from Nonoxynol-9 which is a spermicide. It is a very effective spermicide as it immobilizes sperm on contact. However, in such a delicate ecosystem as the vagina you might imagine that there could be some issues. If you use Nonoxynol-9 sparingly there shouldn’t be much of an issue if you’re in a monogamous disease-free relationship unless you are prone to infection. However, the more often you use it the more your vagina is exposed to this harsh chemical. And the more it is exposed to it the more likely you are to actually get vaginal lesions. For people who are not in monogamous disease-free relationships, this means an increased likelihood of contracting an STI especially HIV and HPV.

Like I said, it’s relatively safe if you’re not using it often, which is why you shouldn’t use it unless you are 99.9% sure that you’re about to get it on.

But there’s also the issue of oral sex. Say you and your partner have been having a grand old time fucking away and you just feel this need to have his cock in your mouth. Well now his cock is probably covered in spermicide and will taste not so good and will quite possibly numb your mouth a bit. Or maybe he’s been finger fucking you and rubbing your clit and then he just has to taste you … same thing. Genitals don’t taste so good with nonoxynol-9 all over them and they’ll also make your lips go numb and possibly your tongue.

This is precisely why I said 15 minutes of waiting. Sure you can makeout and feel each other up, but finger fucking and oral sex may make things less pleasant.

Conclusion

So VCF is decent at preventing pregnancy, especially when combined with other birth control methods, but it should be used sparingly and you may not want to put your mouths anywhere near anything that’s been put in your vagina. It’s a great options for some, and not so great for others.

Here is a how-to video provided from the makers of a VCF:

“I’m a Feminist, but …”

This drives me crazy. There is this perception that feminists are haters of men. This just isn’t true. Sure, some feminists hate men but so do people who don’t identify as feminists. There is no real correlation here.

But what makes it worse is when people who identify as feminists say they’re feminists, but don’t hate men. Celebrities, average people, and even feminist bloggers are guilty of this. When you say “I’m a feminist, but I don’t hate men” you help to feed the assumption that most feminists do hate men. The same could be true if you say “I’m a feminist, but I’m not a lesbian” or “I’m a feminist, but I shave my legs” or “I’m a feminist, but I still like to wear dresses.” Although, the bigger problem with all of those is the idea that the opposite is undesirable and somehow bad. These are all the things that the oppressive majority uses to keep feminism, and women in general, down. Nothing shuts down an argument quicker than completely dismissing someone because they are an ugly, fat, hairy lesbian. Because apparently if you are those things then you do not deserve to have an opinion.

But what they’re really saying is that you have these opinions because no man would want you anyway and here is where we get to the root of the problem with sexism. If you want a mate you have to appeal to men (lesbians and queer women are supposed to appeal to men as well) and apparently if you appeal to men then you have no desire to be a feminist. Because all your dreams are fulfilled in getting married and having your man’s babies? I’m not really sure how all of that works. This is quite possibly the case because I’ve always been a strong feminist woman who does not back down. The mates I have had were interested in me because of these qualities, not despite them. And believe it or not, I’ve had way more male mates than female.

And this brings us full circle. Feminists don’t hate men, they hate the culture of male dominance. This is a big distinction that the mainstream doesn’t seem to understand.

So please, for the love of all things equal, stop saying “I’m a feminist, but …”

This Month’s Porno Party

So we had planned on watching the second disc of Strapped Dykes for this month’s porno party and guess what, Jiz Lee is auctioning off the cock they used in the film as well as a signed copy of the movie. So I think we’ll hold off on doing the pornoparty until said cock and film are bought so the winner can join us in the party. What do you think?

Also it will buy me some time for my stuff to arrive from Chicago. Although Femenina Deliciosa was nice enough to offer up her place for the porno watching festivities. So even if my stuff doesn’t come yet, we should still be able to do it.

Next month we will be a lot more organized I swear! In fact, I’m planning on doing a giveaway of the movie we decide on so that the winner can watch along with us. It should be fun times.

So what days work best for you? Jiz’s auction is tomorrow. So how about Tuesday the 31st? What time works best for you? I’ll of course have to make sure Femenina’s schedule fits. But for me, I should be available after 6PM PST. Although, if we plan it for a non-Tuesday or Thursday my schedule will be a lot wider open. Whatcha all think?

Ethical Pornographer Interview with Athena Hollow

I just posted the latest edition to my Ethical Pornographer column. This month I interviewed Athena Hollow of Geek Girls Online. I’ve had the privilege of knowing Athena for many years now and have been working with her a little more closely lately on some projects. She’s a smart, cool lady and a mom. And no, I will never get tired of using this image of her masturbating in a Harry Potter costume while I watch in a coffee shop.

Here’s a snippet:

GJ: How does raising a daughter influence your work in pornography and how do you plan on teaching her about what you do?

AH: It actually hasn’t changed my job, other than not being able to shoot content during the day while she is awake. I absolutely plan on teaching her what I do. I don’t hide it from anyone. I don’t necessarily throw it out during an introductory meeting, but if someone asks, I tell them. She’s only 4 and she has an idea of what mommy does for a living. She wakes up randomly when I am camming, and asks if I’m on cam when I walk by her room in my work clothes. She doesn’t exactly know what that entails, per say, but she does have a basic idea at least.

Pleasurists #91

Purple by boykitten

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #90? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #92? Be sure to read our submission guidelines and then use our submission form and submit it before Sunday August 22nd at 11:59pm PDT.

Want to win some swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

It’s My Blog, I’ll Give Away Free Shit if I Want To! Deadline: August 17th.
Liberate Yourself with Liberator Jaz! Deadline: August 27th @ Noon.
An EdenFantasys Reviewiversary Giveaway Deadline: August 27th @ 11:59pm.
Sex Toys 101 Giveaway Deadline: August 29th @ 11:59pm Pacific.
100th Post Giveaway Deadline: August 31st @ 11:59pm Central.
Add Some Sizzle to Your Summer Win an Ophoria Combo Pleasure Pack Deadline: August 31st.
11:11 Designer Condom Cases Deadline: September 30th.
$25 Anyone? Deadline: 50 followers/subscribers.

Editor’s Pick

Sex Toys 101 by Femenina Deliciosa

There is no other way to start this review, with out saying, I wish I had this book long ago. Hot damn I do. Sex Toys 101 a playfully uninhibited guide by Rachel Venning & Claire Cavanah [The founders of Babeland] is the best book that I have come across to introduce someone to the pleasures of sex toys.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

Looking for sexy posts other than reviews?

e[lust] #18

On to the reviews…

Vibrators