This was asked in a comment for the blowjobs tips post:
Any chance of giving us poor guys (and maybe some girls) a heads up on how to return the favour? I love to go down on my wife, and she enjoys it but the more tips the better.
For instance – I heard about this way of giving her oral on her vulva but avoiding touching her clitoris until she is on the brink. Then go for the clitoris and she will cum really hard. But I don’t know the name or the actual technique.
Other ideas would be most welcome.
Instead of giving detailed options for going down on your lady friend, I am going to do a quick and dirty guide in just a few paragraphs like I did with the blowjob one. This is just a starting point, not an end all be all. If you want more involved tips there are books and workshops for that. I couldn’t possibly contain it all in one blog post. I highly recommend Ian Kerner’s She Comes First. And as usual, keep in mind that everyone is different so these things may not work for everyone.
Number one thing you can do wrong when going down on a woman: Head straight for her clit. Most women need a good amount of warm up time and some women don’t even like it if you give direct clitoral stimulation at all. Its just too intense.
So tease. Tease her like she’s never going to feel your tongue on her clit ever. Tease her until she begs for it and then tease her a little more. Tease her until she feels like she’s going to cry from the frustration. Because when you hold out and tease her for that long, your tongue is going to feel absolutely amazing when you finally get there. Kiss, lick, and stroke everywhere except her vulva. Kiss her neck, nibble on her ears, pinch her nipples, lick your way up and down her thighs and across her belly. When you pass her vulva let your hot breathe linger on it for a moment before you continue on.
When you finally do get to her vulva lick, suck, nibble, and even tug (if she likes it) a little on her outer labia. Then lick a little bit of her inner labia. Avoid her clit because that is where she wants so badly it hurts. After spending several minutes getting so close to her vulva she almost drives your head towards it – and she really might try to do this – give her one or two little tiny flicks of your tongue so she knows that her clit is finally in the picture. Be not surprised if a gasp is released from her mouth.
After the small lick or two move on to big ice cream licks. Lick her from her perineum to the top of her clit hood with a long wet flat tongue. Do this a couple times and use it as a way to break up the shorter tongue flicks that will come later so you can give yourself a rest.
Now this is where most women vary. I can’t give you the right or wrong ways to lick a clit. All I can do is tell you that you have to try different things to see what works for your partner. Try side licks, angled licks, up and down licks, sucking, fast licks, slow licks, pointy tongue licks, soft tongue licks. Just make sure your licks are rhythmic Get feedback from her. And unless she’s about to cum, keep variations going so neither of you get bored. Of course some people just want the same licking style over and over and I’m not one to say they shouldn’t. Either ask or experiment with figuring out whether or not she likes direct clitoral stimulation or if you should only stimulate her through the clitoral hood.
She may want a finger or two or more in her vagina while you do this. Ask her or wait for her to invite you in. Usually making a come hither motion with your fingers works best. Not all women want penetration. Some may want you to play with their breasts, stroke their thighs, etc. Whatever the lady wants, the lady shall receive.
And then just hold on for the ride. And what a ride it can be. I once cracked someone’s jaw!
Side note: It never hurts to put a towel under your female friend’s bottom before the goings on happen. Just sayin … unless you want to lay in the wet spot later. Secret: that’s how our couch got stained. Oops!