Q: I am 28 and married. How can I get my husband to get to the point where he wants me to date other men?
A: It’s a bit difficult to answer this especially given your wording. It makes it sound like you want to convince your husband or even trick him into something. This may not be what you intended, but the truth of the matter is that how you use language when communicating with your partner is so extremely important. So instead of getting your husband to the point where he wants you to date other men, you should be communicating and exploring your options with your husband about opening up your relationship.
Is this something you’ve both talked about before? If so, then it will be no surprise and the conversations should flow more easily. You’ll want to talk about any jealousy issues that may arise, what is aloud and isn’t aloud outside of the relationship, if he is also allowed to date other people, any forms of protection, what kind of checking in is necessary before and after a date/sexual encounter, etc. If you don’t already have a strong foundation of communication in your relationship this is going to be difficult. Without it you won’t be able to successfully carry on an open relationship.
If you’ve never talked about it there is the possibility of strong feelings of hurt and rejection. You may want to start by just asking him what he thinks about open relationships. This way you can gauge if it is something he would be at all interested in.
You should also spend some time thinking about why you want to date other men. Do you feel like you have a lot of love to give? Are your sexual needs not being met? Do you crave variety? Do you like to have sexually bonded friendships? Are your emotional needs not being met? Are you bored? Do you think monogamy is unrealistic? Is there a guy you have in mind? There could really be all kinds of reasons; some of them good and some of them not so good.
So really my answer is: communication, introspection, time, and luck. And don’t be surprised if your husband never goes for it. Monogamy is pretty deeply ingrained in our culture. Many people don’t think there really is any other way.
For more info check out Opening Up
