Comments on: How Do You Define Your Sexuality? Contest!

By: Lin

Lin — Sun, 06 Jun 2010 16:08:20 +0000

You know, I’ve come to accept my sexuality as beautifully complex. The short answer is I’m kinky. If pressed, I usually go with heteroflexibly kinky, but that just doesn’t cover it. Kink does come first, always has, always will (my first sex dreams were gender-neutral and kink-heavy) and in the kink world I mostly identify as submissive. Which again isn’t completely covering it. I’m mostly submissive and mostly to guys, unless I’m dominant, which is mostly towards girls, except when the right person (or the right moment) comes along to blur the lines. Since I’m much more often submissive then dominant, I go for men more often than for women. Which is weird even to me because both physically and emotionally I’m more attracted to girls and always have been. I’ve often thought that if I could plan it, I’d choose a female submissive life partner and a male dominant play partner, and that combination should cover most bases. But of course things never happen as planned, which is why my life partner is a bi switch male. Isn’t life fun?
Anyway, in the end of the day, I’m kinky and (with the right kinky partner) gender doesn’t really play any role in the equation. Except thst sometimes it does of course, just so that things don’t get boring. It’s all beautifully complicated really and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

By: Lila

Lila — Sat, 05 Jun 2010 00:12:37 +0000

I hate labels. I used to go with “dyke in a dress” and I’d like to stick with it, but now that I’m sleeping with men as well, I tend to identify as queer, or homoflexible. I prefer the term queer though, because of the ugliness of the term homoflexible, and the connotations of the term queer. Ignoring my first sentence entirely, I’m also a femme and a masochist. I like the term masochist, but hate the term femme. I can rant and rave for ages about how I don’t want to fit myself into another binary, but that’s a topic for a whole other day.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Sat, 29 May 2010 00:07:56 +0000

How I define my sexuality sort of changes depending on who I’m talking to or how I’m feeling. I think that I, too, am more emotionally attracted to men but more physically attracted to women. Generally I just go with “queer,” because it is nice and vague and all-encompassing. When I’m feeling political I go with “bisexual.” For some reason “pansexual” has never appealed to me – not because I don’t like people across the gender spectrum, but probably because it reminds me of the little goat guy with pipes. Maybe “omnisexual”? :) I sometimes describe myself as a ladyfag, which is a bit harder to explain, but I feel like it fits me. I’m femme-y in presentation and tend to identify much more strongly with queer men than with queer women – not sure why that is. I’m kink-curious (haven’t done too much exploring but I’d like to) and usually something of a power bottom (i.e. I’m demanding about being submissive). Right now I’m non-monogamous, though that could change.

By: Saraid

Saraid — Thu, 27 May 2010 20:44:34 +0000

I’ve begun identifying myself as queer because I really feel its the all encompassing term that I need. I’m attracted to people of all identities: men, women, transmen, genderqueer individuals – I just like people. My sexuality is constantly evolving and that’s the way I like it.

By: Wilhelmina

Wilhelmina — Wed, 26 May 2010 06:53:52 +0000

i identify as queer. it encompasses what i want to express when i tell someone what my sexuality is: it’s ambiguous, it’s political, and it’s not straight. for me, a label isn’t the end: it’s an invitation for further dialogue. i’m not really sure what my sexuality is: i’ve been attracted to men, genderqueers, transmen… sometimes i wonder if i’m androsexual – attracted to a masculine presentation regardless of the plumbing – but i’m still not quite sure.

By: Shannon D

Shannon D — Wed, 26 May 2010 05:56:13 +0000

I came out to my parents the spring of/summer after my freshman year of high school, about 4 years ago. I don’t remember the date because it doesn’t matter, but it was around this time of year. I came out to my mom first and then my dad, and came out as bisexual. My mom thought – and said directly to me – that it was a phase, and all of the other usual “that can’t be true” stuff. She’s tried to be supportive and has borrowed/bought books about having a LGBTQ kid. She’s pretty awesome. Sometimes she asks me questions which are mostly just annoying and it feels like an invasion of my privacy although I know she doesn’t mean it. She often asks about gender identity – “so, you’re exploring your gender identity?” but I’m not sure she knows the definition. Back on track, though. I came out as bi, and something I told her later on made her think I was a lesbian, and at that point, I wasn’t sure. When describing stuff, I tend to use the term queer… I think it’s more encompassing and can “describe” more people, or have more people identify with it. It’s less… constricting. Recently I’ve been thinking about what pansexual “is” and I believe that is the most open identity that I can really feel and identify with. So basically? I don’t want to say to myself “this is what I am” and limit who I’d “let” myself date regardless of if they’re really attractive to me. I do think that sexuality can be very very fluid, but not always. I think that some people have sexuality that is super fluid, but some people are more like rocks. A lot of pressure heat will turn a rock into lava, as compared to an ice cube melting into water. Ice cubes melting is a lot easier than rocks being lava. As far as who I’m attracted to… eh. Whatever. Anyone who’s nice and smart and a friend risks me having a giant crush on them.

By: Michele

Michele — Tue, 25 May 2010 21:53:13 +0000

So far, we both identify with heterosexual switches, but that’s about it. Sexuality seems to be an evolving things for us, and there’s always something, some situation, some person, that can blow all of the pre-formed notions out of the water.

By: Claire

Claire — Tue, 25 May 2010 18:32:38 +0000

It really depends on the day. I’m predominantly femme, almost to a hyper-femme level but I occasionally like to rock my androgyny. I’m a queer and I gravitate towards other queers. I’m pansexual but I also love the term pomosexual. Fluid certainly works, too. I don’t care how you identify as long as there are fireworks, basically. I’m a switch and I’m kinky as hell, but that said, I’m pretty vanilla looking on the outside. You usually can’t tell I’m kinky until I’m pulling out a crop or donning a strap-on. I’m emotionally monogamous but I look forward to a life of sharing a multitude of sexual experiences with my partner and others, together or apart.

By: NamelessChaos

NamelessChaos — Mon, 24 May 2010 12:19:26 +0000

Here is a comment left by namelesschaos that was getting caught in my spam filter.
My sexuality, I’m still learning and exploring but at this point and time I consider myself to be a cis-gendered male, heteroflexable , kinky, and a switch. Unlike Garnet I’m extremely interested I group sex, although I’ve never had a group sex experience…yet. On the monogamy non- monogamy spectrum; right now I would prefer I sexual open relationship, there are just so many things I want to explore sexual, although emotionally I prefer to focus my attentions on one person.

By: Fae Teardrop

Fae Teardrop — Mon, 24 May 2010 01:20:26 +0000

This comment is from Fae Teardrop, but it was getting caught in spam:

i identify as pansexual. i find this is a much more honest term than jus bisexual. pansexuality allows for the big spectrum that is everyone’s gender and sexuality and the fluid way a person’s gender/sexuality can change throughout their life. i have found that i can be attracted to anyone, no matter their gender or sexuality, it’s more their personality or ‘soul’ that attracts me