Fantasies and Condoms

One of the main arguments I often hear against porn performers practicing safer sex is that porn is supposed to be a fantasy and condoms ruin that fantasy. Can you see why this might be a bit of an issue in getting people to protect themselves against unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs)?

I mean not only are the porn performers themselves being put at risk for contracting STIs, but this notion is helping to perpetuate the idea that really sexy sex is unprotected. The same goes for erotica, romance novels, romantic comedies, sitcoms, etc. Out culture has created a narrative in which sex only feels good and looks sexy if no one is protected. We’re all suffering from this narrative, but sex workers are probably suffering the most.

I understand that in your fantasy world you won’t want to think about pregnancy or diseases. I get that, I really do. However, wouldn’t it be more beneficial to just think of safer sex items as sexy in themselves? Why does a condom or a glove have to make you think about HIV or HPV? Why can’t it be just like another sex toy? Or just something that is equated with sex. Why don’t we see unprotected sex and think these things? Wouldn’t that be a bit more accurate anyway? A condom, a dental dam, or a glove could all easily help us focus on the action because we know we don’t have to worry about the health of our fantasy players. They are a-ok and going to have super hot sex with absolutely nothing to worry about. Where as if we don’t see those things we instead worry for our sexy idols and that worry gets in the way of our ability to become aroused and get off. What would that do for the rates of unwanted pregnancies and STIs in general and for the health of sex workers specifically?

And why do safer sex supplies get such a bad wrap anyway? I’ve had people scrunch up their nose and say, “but that’s not exactly sexy” when I talk about using gloves (in butts no less – where poop is! Because poop on your bare hand is definitely way sexier than gloves). How are gloves not sexy? They can help to transform your hand into a sex toy.

As a paper pusher I always have paper cuts on my hands. And you know what can be really distracting from sexy time? Acidic vaginal juices stinging the hell out of those cuts. Or maybe you have a hangnail or a nail that chipped too close to the skin and you don’t want to cut it off just yet. Gloves! Or maybe you have calluses on your hands and your partner just enjoys a smoother, less frictiony ride. And you don’t have to wear those white gloves that your doctor wears – unless you have a medical fetish and that gets you all kinds of hot – there are other colors. There are black, blue (non latex), and purple (non-latex). Ooh I even found red! Although, they’re vinyl so they won’t fit quite so well.

And then there are condoms. There are so many fancy ones on the market these days that can turn a cock into a sex toy. You can have a studded cock without ever having to go to a piercer, or maybe you want studs AND ribs, you can have super thin condoms that keep you protected but make it feel like you’re wearing a little less, you can make your cock glow in the dark and play hide the radioactive tube, condoms that provide more head room, speaking of head room here’s one that has a whole twist, ones that transfer heat (non latex) really well, maybe you just want your dick to taste really good but also be vegan. Or you could just have one of everything and try them all. So many options!

Then there’s always the argument that you have to stop the action to get the safer sex supplies and put them on/put them to work. I call bullshit. First of all, if you’re planning on playing you should have them within reach. Secondly, make it part of the fun, part of the anticipation. If my wife can get up to go wash a dildo in the middle of us having sex you can take the time to put on a glove or a condom. And that’s just part of the fun. Putting it on means that it’s go time. Plus, if it’s a condom, it can always be put on with your partner’s mouth.

6 comments to Fantasies and Condoms

  • I so agree. I was watching a porn yesterday and the DVD had a safe sex demo on it showing how to use dental dams, condoms, gloves and I thought Great! how responsible… and then watched the film and no-one used a condom. Practice what you preach I say. Besides, I have never thought a condom is unsexy. It is smart and smart is sexy to me. I barely notice them in porn at all, except when they are not there.

  • Great post, and one that I agree with completely. I always say that safe sex IS sexy.

  • I completely agree. I have never understood the argument that using protection is less sexy; it’s only “less sexy” because porn, the standard by which sex is judged these days, doesn’t use it enough, and thus the vicious cycle. Safer sex is far more attractive than pregnancy or std’s.

  • peligrosa

    Thank you for addressing this. I agree completely!

  • I totally don’t agree. Completely. 

    The feel of a woman on your hand isn’t the same as through a glove. 

    The taste and smell of a pussy isn’t the same as rubber

    A thin condom still dulls some sensation. It also interrupts play. 
    Yes even anal play, do you enjoy less it because you are eeked out by the rare possibility of poo on your hand? Not everybody is. In fact many people would be turned off by a partner who was afraid of their body. 

    Just because safe sex is a good idea does not mean it’s as pleasurable, however much you want it to be. Get real. No more than Brussel sprouts or cabbage is good for you but that doesn’t make everybody like the taste. Some do, many don’t. Most people prefer sweets even though they have no health benefit at all. 

    Everything I have said applies the other way too. My wife for example hates condoms (i dont mind them). She will use them if she must but prefers not to fuck at all than to use one. 

    Nice idea, but idealistic I would say. 


  • Mykey: I’m not really arguing that safer sex feels better. I’m arguing that when it comes to porn, safer sex can be a part of the fantasy instead of retracting from it. Because let’s face it, porn players are rarely acting out 10 years of faithful monogamous marriage. And I rather have my porn players be safe than act out an unrealistic fantasy.

    As far as ass sex goes, poo on my hand? I’ve had poo on my hand. Mine and others. Whatever. I’m more concerned about a guy putting his dick in someone’s ass and getting a urinary, bladder, or kidney infection if he doesn’t use protection. But once again we’re assuming monogamy here where as in porn life and non-monogamy life those infections would be the least of your problems if you had unprotected ass sex.

    If your wife and you are monogamous then she can afford to turn down sex with condoms. If not, well you’re definitely running your risks. And we’re talking much more risky than just having a sugary snack now and again.

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