Q: Sooooo my boyfriend and I just tried anal for the first time and I really like it, but every time he starts to pull back I get this sudden, insane urge to pee and have to stop to go pee. Why is that and can I prevent it?
A: Without any more information as to what is happening my best guess would have to be that he is hitting your g-spot perfectly through your rectal wall. This is often the sensation that many women report when they first start exploring g-spot stimulation.
You’ll notice from this diagram that there is a very thin wall between the vaginal canal and the rectum. It is very easy to stimulate the g-spot, which is on the front wall of the vagina about 2 inches in, through this thin wall if there is nothing obstructing it.
So if you want a quick solution then put something in your vagina like fingers or a sex toy. This will keep him from hitting your g-spot and making you feel like you have to pee. Keep in mind though that there’s only so much space in your pelvic region and you may want to use smaller objects to put inside of your vagina so that you don’t feel like you’re too filled up – unless that’s what you’re going for.
The problem with the quick solution is that a big part of what might be feeling good when you’re having anal sex is the g-spot stimulation. Taking that part away may make the experience less pleasurable. In that case you may want to go for more of a long term solution. It will take more time and patience, but will most likely be worth it in the long run.
This feeling like you have to pee when the g-spot is stimulated actually makes a lot of sense when you understand what the g-spot is. The urethral sponge is what’s actually being hit. This sponge swells when aroused and protects the urethra from getting banged into and damaged. So the spot that’s being stimulated is almost a direct pathway to your urethra and bladder. Hence the need to pee sensation. You may even feel this if your bladder is completely empty. This is just a natural reaction, but no fear, you can learn to bypass the peeing feeling to get just the enjoyment.
However, it takes patience and because of that I highly recommend you lay off the anal intercourse for a bit and instead focus on stimulation with toys or fingers in either your anus or vagina. This way you may be able to concentrate better and you won’t have someone else’s pleasure to think about too.
If it helps to free your mind from the concern of peeing, you may want to go to the bathroom first before you start to play. Although keep in mind that for some people, a completely empty bladder also means that they may not feel the g-spot stimulation as much. Sometimes a bladder that has some urine in it helps to create pressure on the spot as well. Although a full bladder is often just annoying. You can also put a few towels under you if that makes you feel more comfortable.
The goal though is to get past that feeling of having to pee because when we feel like we have to go, but don’t want to we clench our PC muscles which can keep you from having an orgasm. It’s important to learn to relax, breathe, and focus on the stimulation instead of the anxiety. You may find that over time this will help to transform the feelings of g-spot stimulation from “OMG I have to pee!” to “OMG I’m going to cum!.”
If you’re unsure of how to stimulate your g-spot I recommend inserting one or two fingers (either yours or his) into the vagina once you are fully aroused and making a “come hither” motion pointing towards your belly button. You won’t have to go too deep … just a couple of inches should do it. Or you can also use a g-spot toy. If you prefer the feeling of g-spot stimulation through anal play you can do basically the same thing, but if you’re using a toy make sure that it has a flared base on it so it can’t get lost up your butt. And don’t share the toy between your vagina and your ass unless you use condoms or sterilize the toy between orifices.