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I was recently contacted by Undercover Condoms because they wanted to let you know that they are a great place to buy safer sex supplies online. They asked me to review their website which I do not do for free. I review products for free because I receive the product for my time and effort. For website reviews I do require compensation for the amount of time I put into it. However, my opinions are genuine and cannot be bought.
I asked twitter and facebook followers what was important to them in an online safer sex store. The responses mostly included free or reasonable shipping costs, wide selection (something they wouldn’t be able to get at the drugstore), discreet shipping, easy to navigate site, and customer reviews. I’ve combined that with my own ideas on what makes a safer sex supplier website great to come up with this review.
Q: You may have already seen this, but I thought you might be interested in this article on a female condom that is meant to fight rape. I wondered what your opinion on it was (would it actually help stop/prevent rape?, etc), or thought that maybe you would like to blog about it (or at least pass the link around).
I have heard of the anti-rape condom before. It actually first surfaced under a slightly different name a few years ago. Then it was called Rapex and now it’s Rape-aXe. And believe me I have a lot of feelings about it. I want to preface this though with the fact that I know nothing about South African culture or any other cultures in Africa. I cannot even pretend to begin to know what is going on over there.
That being said, I have to say that this is not treating the problem at all. It’s another case of the victims having to protect themselves by changing their behaviors instead of getting to the root of the problem. The people who need to change their behaviors are the rapists. They need to stop raping and not because they’re afraid that there might be teeth in a woman’s vagina. Instead, we need wide spread social change that creates an environment of respect for women and autonomy over their own sexuality and bodies. Rape-aXe is something that may or may not help in the short term, but it does nothing to effect the long term issues surrounding rape. I found it interesting that the creator said “Yes, my device may be a medieval, but it’s for a medieval deed that has been around for decades.” This evil deed has been around since before medieval times. In fact, it’s pretty much been around since the beginning of time, not decades but millennia. That is seriously long term and we need to think in those terms.
Let us address the short term though. One side effect I see of this toothy condom is more violence. A man who has just raped a woman and had a sharp object embedded into his penis is probably extremely likely to lash out at the woman who was wearing it. And what about a woman who is gang raped? That is going to spell out even more violence for her. The rapists will probably beat her more severely than they would have.
Also, there is more than one way to rape a person. It does not always involve penis in vagina. It could involve an ass, a mouth, and/or other insertable objects besides a penis. In fact, why not just shove a broom handle or something up there first to make sure she’s not packing a Rape-aXe?
They say that this would help with rape convictions because a medical doctor has to remove the condom. How long until there is an underground removal service? Just because only doctors can remove them now doesn’t mean that they will always be the only ones to be able to do it.
I also worry that it will hinder rape convictions if a woman isn’t wearing it. I can imagine it now. They accuse her of wanting it because she wasn’t wearing a Rape-aXe.
Also, this condom doesn’t actually prevent sexual assault. It just latches on to a rapist’s penis after the sexual assault has already begun. Will it prevent rape if rapists think that women are wearing them? Well, do the sponges with razorblades prevent anything?
However, I do not fault women for wanting to wear this to help protect themselves. It has to be better than shoving a sponge filled with razorblades into your vagina. That just sounds like a horrible idea. Although, at $2 a pop this may not be within most poor women’s means. And lets face it, the poorer you are the more likely you are to get raped and the less likely your rapist will be convicted. But there’s a desperation there obviously because the rape rates are so extremely high in South Africa.
There just has to be a better way. We need to treat the disease, not the symptom. Women’s rights are human rights.
One of the main arguments I often hear against porn performers practicing safer sex is that porn is supposed to be a fantasy and condoms ruin that fantasy. Can you see why this might be a bit of an issue in getting people to protect themselves against unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections (STIs)?
I mean not only are the porn performers themselves being put at risk for contracting STIs, but this notion is helping to perpetuate the idea that really sexy sex is unprotected. The same goes for erotica, romance novels, romantic comedies, sitcoms, etc. Out culture has created a narrative in which sex only feels good and looks sexy if no one is protected. We’re all suffering from this narrative, but sex workers are probably suffering the most.
I understand that in your fantasy world you won’t want to think about pregnancy or diseases. I get that, I really do. However, wouldn’t it be more beneficial to just think of safer sex items as sexy in themselves? Why does a condom or a glove have to make you think about HIV or HPV? Why can’t it be just like another sex toy? Or just something that is equated with sex. Why don’t we see unprotected sex and think these things? Wouldn’t that be a bit more accurate anyway? A condom, a dental dam, or a glove could all easily help us focus on the action because we know we don’t have to worry about the health of our fantasy players. They are a-ok and going to have super hot sex with absolutely nothing to worry about. Where as if we don’t see those things we instead worry for our sexy idols and that worry gets in the way of our ability to become aroused and get off. What would that do for the rates of unwanted pregnancies and STIs in general and for the health of sex workers specifically?
And why do safer sex supplies get such a bad wrap anyway? I’ve had people scrunch up their nose and say, “but that’s not exactly sexy” when I talk about using gloves (in butts no less – where poop is! Because poop on your bare hand is definitely way sexier than gloves). How are gloves not sexy? They can help to transform your hand into a sex toy.
As a paper pusher I always have paper cuts on my hands. And you know what can be really distracting from sexy time? Acidic vaginal juices stinging the hell out of those cuts. Or maybe you have a hangnail or a nail that chipped too close to the skin and you don’t want to cut it off just yet. Gloves! Or maybe you have calluses on your hands and your partner just enjoys a smoother, less frictiony ride. And you don’t have to wear those white gloves that your doctor wears – unless you have a medical fetish and that gets you all kinds of hot – there are other colors. There are black, blue (non latex), and purple (non-latex). Ooh I even found red! Although, they’re vinyl so they won’t fit quite so well.
Then there’s always the argument that you have to stop the action to get the safer sex supplies and put them on/put them to work. I call bullshit. First of all, if you’re planning on playing you should have them within reach. Secondly, make it part of the fun, part of the anticipation. If my wife can get up to go wash a dildo in the middle of us having sex you can take the time to put on a glove or a condom. And that’s just part of the fun. Putting it on means that it’s go time. Plus, if it’s a condom, it can always be put on with your partner’s mouth.
I never had a girlfriend and have sex. And it is really hard for me. Could you, plz, advice me how I can put the condom in that it will last good in the intercourse? Also, I would like to know can the vagina be so tight or so dry the condom can fell out from the penis ? I am 24 yrs old and never had sex with anyone. It is hard. I masturbate every day and I would like to find a good looking lady like you. When I had an opportunity for sex, should I do it ? Can you give a advice for a good artificial vagina for masturbation ?
Whoa whoa whoa. That is a lot of questions right there. It will take me a few blog posts to answer all of these so stay tuned for all of the answers over the next few days.
First, let’s talk about condoms. Putting a condom on correctly is really important so here’s how you do it:
Check the expiration date printed on the condom to make sure it is still good. If it is not, throw it out and get a new one. If it’s good, move on to step 2.
Carefully tear the condom wrapper open. Do NOT use scissors or anything sharp as you could make a hole in the condom.
Unroll the condom a little bit to figure out which way it goes.
Squeeze a drop or two of a water or silicone based lube into the condom. This will make it more pleasurable for the wearer.
Squeeze the first 1/4-1/2 inch of the condom to make sure there is room for semen to go when you ejaculate.
If you have foreskin, pull it down gently so that it is under the head of your penis and then roll the condom down the shaft of the penis.
Rub some water or silicone lube on the outside of the condom.
Stick in hole and thrust in and out.
After you ejaculate pull out immediately before your dick gets soft. Make sure you hold onto the base of the condom as you pull out.
Then just throw away. If you want to have sex again use a new condom.
Here’s a demo video I made because sometimes it’s just easier to show than tell.
Many condoms come prelubed, but adding a little extra lube can never hurt and in fact will often make sex more pleasurable for both partners. It will also keep the sex safer since the condom will be less likely to dry out and break. Latex can actually dry a woman’s natural lubrication out.
Condoms can fall off. It isn’t usually because the vagina is too tight though. It may happen if it dries out, but it can also happen just from the friction of thrusting or if the condom is too big. Guys, don’t pretend your cock is bigger than it is because condoms that are too big are more likely to break and/or slip off. Get a condom that fits. If you are worried about slippage I suggest using a cheap cock ring around the base of the condom to keep it on.
Yup, that’s right. New laws in DC, San Francisco, and New York are making it so that if you carry more than 2 condoms at a time you must be a sex worker and therefore need to be arrested.
There are so many things wrong with this that I don’t even know where to begin or where to end. So instead I’ll let the very talented Jaclyn Friedman do it:
…If you think there’s a chance you’re getting laid, and you’re sleeping with someone who has a penis, why would you ever pack fewer than three condoms? What if one rips when you take it out of the package? What if you want to do it (*GASP*) twice? Three condoms is not a lot of condoms, people. IMHO, it’s the bare minimum. I once used over a dozen in a particularly memorable weekend. And I still wasn’t a sex worker.
And what if I was? As has been pointed out elsewhere, all this law (and laws like it in NYC and San Francisco) are doing is encouraging sex workers to not carry condoms. You know what that’s going to do? It’s not going to reduce sex trafficking. It’s not going to improve the lives or working conditions of sex workers. It’s not going to lock up abusers or pimps. It’s going to spread disease. It’s going to increase the spread of STIs (including HIV) among sex workers and their clients. And those clients will spread it even further out into the general population. And those of us who aren’t sex workers but don’t feel like risking arrest en route to a hot date? Some of us are going to carry fewer condoms and catch and spread more disease, too. And those of us who carry lots of condoms so we can distribute them and help other people stay safe? Well, we’re obviously a criminal element, aren’t we? (Read more)
Talk about some slut shaming up in here. And as one of the commenters pointed out, no one is going to arrest a man for carrying 3 or more condoms … unless he’s a gay man of color or god forbid a drag queen.
This week’s condom review is for another latex condom: Beyond 7. I’m sad to report also that this will be the last of the condom reviews. I hope you all learned a bit about different condoms on the market and maybe even got the initiative to try some new ones out for yourselves.
The seductively designed packaging was easy on the eyes but a little harder to open in a rush. There was no tear mark or serration to go by so it was a little rough going, but worked. The roll-down was a simple thumb and two finger affair that all condoms should strive to achieve, but that awkward package prevents it from getting a perfect 5. Once out, like nearly all latex based condoms, you could detect the smell of rubber, but there was a pleasant blue coloring to distract you from it, or at least I can only assume that was the manufacturer’s intent. The fragrance didn’t translate too strongly to taste luckily and while the lube was slightly less than pleasant at first, it quickly washed away and left a taste-free surface. Sensation transmission was slightly above par, and the snugness around the base was a welcome tension that was pleasant and far from strangulation. If polyisoprene condoms are not available, these would probably by my strongest recommendation.
Ease of use 4.75 Sensation 4.00 Taste/Fragrance 3.75