Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio

When I was about 18 years old I ordered two instructional tapes (these were VHS. Am I dating myself?) on pleasing your mate. One was how to please a man and the other was how to please a woman. I lived at home at the time, but luckily had a TV and VCR in my bedroom. So I was all set to learn all I could … or so I thought. The first disappointment was that they shipped two pleasing men tapes, but I was too shy to contact the company for an exchange. Oh how I have changed. The second disappointment was the tape itself. It was horrid. Granted, to my 18 year old brain I did not know just how bad it was. They suggested things like slathering his dick in marshmallow fluff and then licking and sucking it all off. Yeah, that’s not going to get absolutely disgusting really fast. Another suggestion was cutting a hole out of a large warm tomato and fucking him with it. This isn’t an awful idea, but it’s not a great one either. It’s as if they were getting their tips straight from Cosmo.

Oh how things have changed! Tristan Taormino is on the scene and she gives super helpful advice in a totally hot format. Her Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio is everything that that old tape was not. If only my 18 year old self had had access to her instructional style I would have been much less shy about giving blowjobs. Granted I probably would have started with the regular fellatio DVD, not the advanced one. And I highly suggest you start with that one if you haven’t developed your blowjob style. Luckily, I figured out how to give blowjobs despite that awful tape and was very ready for the advanced version.

The DVD starts with the workshop portion which lasts about 53 minutes. This is where Tristan Taormino goes over the male anatomy; talks about what makes a great blowjob; goes over the different advanced positions – sword swallower, standing 69,and  reverse 69 – which are mostly for the athletic flexible types; how to successfully deep throat;  gagging and face fucking; playing with his balls, perineum, and ass; and different blowjob styles -sensual, sloppy, submissive, and aggressive . In between gems of knowledge, porn stars also talk about what they love about giving or receiving blowjobs which helps add to the discussion. But all that would be horribly boring if we didn’t also have blowjob demos going on with the explanations. For everything that Tristan talks about, there is a corresponding scene to show us how to do it.

Whether it’s Standing 69:

or reverse 69:

And even better, there are cameras in the hands of both the behind the set people AND the male porn stars. You get point of view blowjobs and views from a bit more of a distance so you can see all the angles.

After the workshop portion we see all 3 scenes in their entirety. And the truth of the matter is that after 53 minutes of blowjobs I couldn’t handle anymore. That’s seriously a lot of blowjobs. But that is the point of this DVD so I hardly fault anyone for it. By the end of it you will definitely have more of an idea about how to spice up your blowjobs even if you can’t bend over backwards.

A few days later after I could handle blowjobs I came back to the DVD. The first scene is between Christian and Charley Chase. This is the sloppiest wettest blowjob I’ve ever seen. Saliva, you see, is a great thing to have during a blowjob. That being said, the workshop portion gave me my fill of this bj and I had to fastforward through the full scene. All that slobber and sucky smacky gaggy noises were starting to make me feel sick. It’s just not my cup of tea. I like a good slobbery bj just as much as the next cock lover, but this kinda grossed me out. There were giant spit bubbles and wads of spit on tits, faces, thighs, and dripping onto the floor. This is just a personal preference and you should not let it keep you from giving or getting the sloppiest bj imaginable.

The second scene features Adrianna Nicole and Evan Stone. This has been the least noticeable role for Evan Stone in the history of his entire career. He could be anyone! In fact, for parts of it he was just a disembodied cock that Adrianna was sucking on. And let me tell ya, Adrianna sucks cock like a champ. I think the woman has no gag reflex left. Thankfully she also uses a bit less saliva. No, the only things that were distracting to this hot blowjob were Evan’s dirty feet, the music that just didn’t seem to fit, and the extreme closeups that plague this DVD (I mean really if I can’t actually tell what is going on you’re too damn close!).

The scene doesn’t just contain a bj either! Yay! There’s also some pleasure for Adrianna’s genitals as well. She gets fingered, there’s the reverse 69, and there’s some fucking at the end.

And as usual, Tristan saves the best scene for last: Satine Phoenix sucking and deep throating Danny Wylde’s uncircumcised cock. It is no secret that I adore Satine Phoenix. I think she is one of the most sensual porn stars around. It doesn’t hurt that she’s also a curvy latina with big lips and eyes. After I watched this DVD I have to say that the saddest thing about her quitting porn is that this is the only time her and Danny Wylde work together. Because seriously, this is one of the hottest scenes I’ve ever seen. Ever.

So what makes this scene so extremely hot? Well, besides Satine’s amazing hotness that is? First of all, Danny actually shows his enjoyment. While a lot of male porn stars, and men in general, are all stoic and quiet in their lovemaking, Danny lets it all out. He shows you he is enjoying it. Let this be a lesson to you dudes: making noise and admitting that you’re having fun when you’re having sex is sexy. I once dated a guy who wouldn’t make any noise or even breathe when he was cumming. His face would turn purple and his veins popped out. I was afraid his head was going to explode. I had to teach him to let it out.

Second, both Satine and Danny are really into fucking each other. There is unmistakable chemistry here. The eye contact is intense and you can feel the energy between them.

But mostly, I could easily put myself in the place of Satine. I’ve been there before! The kind of intense fucking where you feel like you couldn’t live without his cock inside of you a second more. Every time Danny’s dick slips out of Satine she whimpers at the loss. And yet when he is fucking her it is almost so intense that she can’t handle it. This scene is going to be in my permanent wank rotation. If you don’t watch anything else in this movie, please watch this scene. That’s why they have VOD so you can watch just one scene easily and don’t have to pay for the whole thing.

Overall: This DVD is fantastic for learning advanced blowjob techniques. This is definitely not for those who have not mastered the basic blowjob though. If you’re feeling confident with your skills, but want to know how to step it up a notch this is definitely the movie for you. If you want to just watch porn and you love watching blowjobs you will think this is the best porno ever. If you just want to watch porn, but want something besides blowjobs you should probably skip this flick except for checking out the last scene with Danny and Satine.

Technical Stuff: Shot in Hi-Def. The music does not match the sex and is a little distracting and sometimes the camera gets a little to up in the action to the point where you can’t really tell what is going on. But overall, the technical stuff is all pretty good. Lighting is well done and sound is fantastic. You can hear what everyone says and the screams are not deafening.

Contest: If you’d like to own a copy of this DVD, but don’t want to buy it I have great news for you! I have an extra copy that I want to give you. There are two ways to enter. You can leave a comment on this post and/or you can tweet about it once per day. Make sure that your profile is public and that you put @garnetjoyce and a link to the contest in the tweet otherwise it won’t count. Example: Win an advanced BJ DVD from @garnetjoyce! Rules: http://vb.ly/266o. Contest ends at midnight CST on April 15th.

Otherwise you can order the DVD straight from Tristan here or watch it instantly on HotMoviesForHer.com.

Granting Wishes

Just wanted to remind everyone that there is always time to grant your favorite sex bloggers their holiday wishes. Most of us work for free or next to nothing so its always nice to know we’re appreciated since our blogs are a labor of love. So if you haven’t done so yet, check out the following bloggers and grant them a wish if you can. Many gifts may not even require money. I’ve already filled several wishes for many of these lovely ladies.

Then once you’ve gotten something for them, try to win something for yourself by entering the awesome FetLife contest where they have 217 prizes totaling close to $25,000. WANT!!

Last Days of the Contest

Hey everyone just a heads up to let you all know that today and tomorrow are the last days to enter the porn contest so enter! Even if you entered already and didn’t win you can enter again until you do. Its been super easy to win as not that many people have been entering so if you do it you have a VERY good chance of winning a free hour of porn.

Details about entering via Twitter
Details about entering via Facebook

Essin’ Em Scavenger Hunt

Have you heard of the sexy, smart, kinky Essin’ Em? If you don’t know who she is you really really should. Seriously. She’s pretty rad. For her blogiversary (damn 3 years!) she’s got an epic contest going on and the prizes are so fantastic that I had to make time in my very busy schedule to search out the answers to all her questions. I should be in bed right now. Sooooo exhausted! Anyhoo the following are the answers to her scavenger hunt. And don’t forget you can still enter my free porn contest which is wicked way easier, but admittedly not as cool. Details: here and here.

How old I am: 23

My real name: Shanna Katz

The names of my cats: Kinsey, Kali and Jasper

The number of lettered partners (ex: Q) I have had on my blog, and list them: 8: J, Q, K, F, S, L, M, C

Five of the companies I do review for (or have in the past): Liberator, SexToy.com, Babeland, Vibe Review, Good Vibrations

Where my first job was in the “adult industry”: HotMoviesForHer.com

My number one porn star crush: Jiz Lee

What happens everytime I get another 100 followers on Twitter: Tweet a nekkid pic

Who created my Facebook Fan Page: The Kinky Librarian

One blogger who helped me to find/understand my Femme identity: Sinclair Sexsmith

How many tattoos I have, and what they are (bonus if you know their meanings): 5 tattoos
1: Crescent moon with 4 stars and a tear drop. The tear drop is for sadness. Moon is the present and the stars are your future.
2.: Flying Pig with a banner below it that reads “Aba” which is Hebrew for father. Pigs were your dad’s fave animal.
3. “Not all those who wander are lost.” A quote from LoTR
4: Two people embracing. One is more femme and that one is you and the other you can’t tell. Its to show your love of sexuality
5. Femme spiral to show physical proof of belonging to such a strong and powerful group of women, queers, dykes, and more. 

The other country have I lived in: Germany

Number of states I’ve presented/taught in (bonus for which ones): 6: New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Colorado, California, and Washington. She’s also taught in the District of Columbia, which isn’t technically a state.

My absolute favorite toy ever is: Hitachi Magic Wand (and really, isn’t it everyone’s? It should be!)

Two of my favorite kinky activities: fire play and electricity play

Eight sex/uality bloggers I have met in person: Audacia Ray, Jamye Waxman, Sinclair Sexsmith, Jiz Lee, Domina Doll, Furry Girl, and Bella Vendetta

Three issues I feel VERY strongly on: Queers, Trannies, and Fatties

Five of my top ten toys/lube/etc: Smart Balls, Lelo Gigi, Pjur Eros, Thigh harness, vampire gloves

Three of the four porn companies I’ve shot for: CrashpadSeries, GoodDykePorn, NoFauxxx

The color I am allergic to: Pink

Two of my favorite colors (bonus for all three): red, black, and white

My degrees are in: BA in Sociology and German and an M.Ed in Human Sexuality

One of my favorite body parts: Legs

What is special about my tongue: its geographic

Site my advice panel is on: The Lesbian Lifestyle

Site my column is on: Out Front Colorado

BONUS QUESTIONS:

The number of comments on this blog: as of 10:45 PM CST 11/17/09 there are 4,823 comments … omg I should get something for counting all those!

The number of posts on this blog: My count was 1091 as of 11/17/09

Porn Contest Now on Facebook!

I’ve heard you! A lot of you don’t twitter. I get it. So here’s the deal. Make your facebook status a reason that people should read my blog and include a link to my blog. This can be a general reason with the www.askgarnet.com link or it can be about a specific entry with a link to it.

But here’s the down side of using facebook. There’s no way for me to easily track and search for these things like with twitter. So in order to enter you’ll need to:
1. friend me (include message that you follow my blog)
2. update your status
3. email me on fb linking to your status update

Also, if you don’t win upon first entry don’t hesitate to enter again the next day. Your chances of winning are pretty high especially if you are persistent. I reward persistence.

So twitter or update your facebook status! Win free porn! Srsly, free stuff rules! You should all enter. NOW!

Porn Contest!

Do you like porn? Do you like totally awesome porn? Do you like not having to pay for your totally awesome porn? Well have I got a deal for you!

I have 15 hours of free porn from HotMoviesForHer.com that I want to give you! Now don’t be discouraged by the fact that it says “for her.” These movies are really for everyone. They have hetero and queer porn that will appeal to everyone. I promise!

So what do you have to do to win free porn?

All you have to do is tweet about why you think people should read AskGarnet. That’s it! I will pick one winner per day for the next 15 days and you will get one free hour of porn. Once I pick the winner I will DM you for your email address and then send you the codes you’ll need to get your free hour. If you don’t respond w/in 2 days then the contest will continue. Simple as that. Just remember that when you tweet you’ll need to add #askgarnet and include a link to my blog (can even be a particular entry you like). For example you could twitter something like:
“Everyone should read #askgarnet because she is super awesome! http://vb.ly/garnet

Now go! Tweet! Win free porn!