There are a lot of comments on this post, but I prefer to respond to the article with one of my own. So this is my response.

First of all, lets just get into the issue of porn. Her issue is that she feels that the women of porn are an ideal she can’t live up to. This hits on some of the themes I tackled in a previous post and the problem is really similar. While the woman who wrote in to me was comparing herself to the women in porn, The Kinky Jew feels the need to compete with them. Neither of these are very productive. Mainstream porn just isn’t real. Most people don’t look like that and most people don’t fuck like that. Honestly, I wouldn’t even want to fuck like most people in mainstream porn. It looks like a whole lot of no fun to me. This is why I tend to not watch mainstream porn. I prefer porn that I find hot. Maybe the Kinky Jew should follow suit? Especially if what she wants is average looking women fucking then she should definitely watch amateur porn.

She also complains about this supposedly wide spread epidemic of squirting in porn. What porn is she watching? There is definitely a niche for squirting porn just like there is a niche for bondage and foot worship, but these things are hardly in every or even close to most porn you’ll find. I actually have a friend who went to LA to get into the porn business because she LOVES fucking and she was treated as a bit of a freak because she is a squirter. So yeah … Definitely not everywhere.

The Kinky Jew feels that this is just one more area in which she has to compete with the ladies of porn. I can understand that feeling. But I don’t feel like that pressure is just from porn. I feel like that pressure comes from the sex business in general and consumerism as a whole. We are always made to feel inadequate for not having or doing certain things. I have women who come into the sex shop all the time who are frustrated because they can’t seem to get this huge amazing orgasm from their g-spot. They’ve read about it from sex educators or Cosmo or talked about it with their friends. They can’t get their g-spot to work right and it makes them feel like something is wrong with them or they are less of a woman because of this. And g-spot stimulation and squirting often go hand in hand here. In talking to these women I often find that they have wonderful clitoral orgasms, but they’ve been made to feel like that is just not enough. The g-spot doesn’t do it for everyone. For some people it just makes them feel like they have to pee. The same is the case for squirting. You shouldn’t feel inadequate for not doing something that other women can do, but you also shouldn’t shun them for it. As long as we can derive pleasure from sex, what does it matter what hot new spot is out there? Sure try it if you want to, but if it doesn’t work for you don’t despair. There are women out there who are just struggling to have an orgasm or even enjoy sex at all.

And on that note, in the About the Site section, the owner of the site (not sure who since there are several contributors) talks about how the purpose of this blog is to reclaim her own sexuality after her libido and her vagina dried up. This sounds like it would be a sex positive journey, but this and several other posts on this blog are actually very shaming.

How could it not be shaming to say that squirting is disgusting? The Kinky Jew says that it is unclean and compares it to unnatural and magic acts. Squirting is NORMAL. Not all women do it, but there are many women who do. And one of the reasons that many people find it to be a desirable trait is because it is a physical representation of a woman’s pleasure. After your husband has ejaculated have you ever rubbed it all over your body and thought that it felt really sexy? Its kind of like that. His ejaculate is a physical representation of his orgasm and its fucking hot.

And now for story time:
When I was much younger and first starting to explore my sexuality I fucked this guy for hours and hours and hours. It wasn’t non-stop; I was also doing laundry. Multi-tasking! Sex in my room, sex in the laundry room, sex in my room, sex in the laundry room, repeat. It helped that at the time I liked wearing sexy dresses with no undies while I did my laundry. At one point when I was on top of him I just gushed all over him. Odd thing was that I hadn’t even had an orgasm – I wasn’t orgasming with partners yet. I also didn’t know what female ejaculation was. Neither of us really freaked out about it, but we kind of sniffed at it to make sure it wasn’t pee- it didn’t smell like it. We just kind of laughed it off and assumed it was my body’s way of saying “Ok enough already jeez!”

A couple years later I was in a relatively steady relationship with a guy and every so often when I’d orgasm I’d ejaculate. I didn’t know what was going on and it was super embarrassing to me. I knew I wasn’t peeing, but I didn’t really know what was happening and I thought it weird and would stop all action after it happened.

About a year later I kind of put two and two together and figured out that I was ejaculating, but still wasn’t super comfortable with it. And then I became a camgirl. A fellow porn model friend of mine bought me an amazing glass dildo for my birthday and when I would masturbate with it I would gush gallons every single time. The arousal I experienced of being watched, combined with the amazing g-spot pressure created by the glass dildo, always made me soak through towels folded up several times. And the people who watched me LOVED IT! They loved the faces of pure ecstasy I would make combined with the squirting. It really helped me to embrace my squirting to know that others found it to be hot. Soon after that I dated a guy who loved to be covered in my ejaculate. And that helped even more.

And then … I started to experience more and more pain in my body. Pain that doctors have not been able to explain. And that once amazing glass dildo started to hurt. Since then I have been able to achieve amazing g-spot orgasms again with softer materials, but I no longer squirt. At first it made me feel inadequate, but I got over that and learned to embrace the pleasure that my body could still create. I will admit that the one thing I don’t miss is the clean-up. But that wasn’t really a huge problem anyways. Most of the time I felt like it was totally worth it.

However, there were times where squirting did make me feel a bit like a circus freak. That was when I had partners who would seem to be solely in the sex for the squirting. Needless to say, those partners did not last long.

So I guess what I’m trying to say here is that we shouldn’t shame people for how they experience pleasure. What people’s bodies do naturally in the throes of ecstasy can be very embarrassing when they are told that it is disgusting, impossible, or wrong. Instead, we should be celebrating healthy sexuality. If its not your cup of tea or its not something that you can do, that’s fine, but lets not shun others for consensual activity. And also, if what you want is amateur porn then watch amateur porn!

For more info on squirting check out my previous blog post explaining what it is, where it comes from, and how it happens here.

**UPDATE: The Kinky Jew has replied to all of the responses to her blog post here. I for one agree with her on the way the comments got out of hand. Just because we can’t see you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be held responsible for what you say. People felt very strongly about the subject, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have an intelligent debate that doesn’t devolve into name calling and holocaust references. I accept her apology for having offended me and I hope that she agrees that my arguments were completely respectful. I tried to keep them as such.**

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This post, In Defense of Squirting, originally appeared on Ask Garnet on 11/25/2009. Click over to leave a comment or ask a question: In Defense of Squirting. Thanks for visiting!
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Anyhoo … When I found out I might have a chance to test out a Lelo of my very own I became downright giddy. At this point I think I can be called a collector of sex toys. I own LOTS. And now it is about filling in the parts that I do not yet have. This includes types, materials, and brands. I need to have sex toys from all the top sex toy companies: Fun Factory (check), Tantus (check), Vixen Creations (check many times over), Vibratex (check), Lelo (new check), nJoy (sadly no check), Jimmy Jane (sadly no check).

Now I could’ve gone the traditional route and gone with a Lelo vibe. They have a lot to offer, but I am a Hitachi loyalist so while I do still get new vibes, I wanted my Lelo experience to be as exciting for me as possible. Luckily for me, Lelo recently released their first dildo, Ella. Until a couple years ago I actually only owned one dildo and I can’t believe it took me so long to become a dildo enthusiast.

Ella is number 13 in my collection and she gave me even more reason for enthusiasm. I didn’t think it was possible, but Ella has actually topped the list. She is my new favorite dildo. Ella is practically perfect.

Lelo calls Ella “a dedicated pleasure object” and I would have to agree. If you love g-spot stimulation like I do, you’ll love Ella. While most g-spot toys simply bend in one direction so that you get a bit of g-spot stimulation as that one small spot goes back and forth over the sensitive area, the Ella has a whole flat surface that curves upwards so that that same spot is stimulated almost constantly. The result is pure heaven and quite possibly some ejaculation as well.

But maybe you’re not ready for some g-spot stimulation yet and you want to warm up with the old in and out first. Ella has that covered as well! You can use either side of her so you can use one side for times when you want dedicated g-spot stimulation and the other side for when you want penetration without so much dedication to just one spot. The one downside to a double sided dildo like this is that it is not harness compatible. Like I said before, “practically perfect.” But she is absolutely great for masturbation and partner play.

Now while Ella is perfect for me, I have to remind you that all women are made differently. Size queens will most likely not like this dildo. It is particularly small. Even I found it to be a bit lacking at times when wanting to flex my PC muscles around something when on the g-spot side.

Now down to the nitty gritty:
Ella is made of silicone which means she is non-porous and body safe. Normally I would recommend boiling your silcone dildos, but the instructions that came with Ella warned against exposing her to extreme temperatures. And well, I’m not exactly open to the possibility of ruining my new favorite dildo just so I can tell you whether or not she is safe to boil. So just use soap and water.

Ella is great for vaginal play, but I would not recommend her for anal play as she does not come equipped with a flared base.

Lelo offers a one year warranty on all of its toys and while that is fantastic on vibrators that have mechanical parts, it isn’t such a great deal on silicone dildos. Silicone is a material that should last a lifetime and companies like Vixen Creations actually give you a lifetime warranty. The one year warranty just doesn’t do a silicone dildo justice. Oh well. Hopefully it will never become an issue.

But even if it does become an issue, Ella is actually the cheapest Lelo product currently on the market at $44. What a steal! For a company that makes luxury vibes that range in price from $64 to $1500, I was actually really surprised that their first dildo was so cheap.

In other news, I bought a new computer recently so updates should happen more regularly now. Thanks for your patience.

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This post, Ella by Lelo, originally appeared on Ask Garnet on 09/17/2008. Click over to leave a comment or ask a question: Ella by Lelo. Thanks for visiting!
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