You should subscribe to the RSS feed. Have a question? Ask me anything.Thanks for visiting!
Another new review up at XCritic! This time I’m finally stepping away from the AbbyWinters stuff and have moved on to Good Releasing titles. In honor of Satine Phoenix’s departure from porn I decided to review Frisk Me first.
njoy eleven in Syd's ass
Despite the piano, the sex was totally hot. These two would have to have absolutely no chemistry at all in order for this scene to not be hot. So what did it involve? Pussy licking, Satine’s pussy grinding into Syd’s face (omg hot!), clit sucking and rubbing, and an njoy eleven in Syd’s ass. Holy crap! While that eleven is in her ass she’s rubbing away at her clit and her entire body is shaking. You know that was a good orgasm! …
… The oral sex from both actors in this scene is really well done. Too often in porn I see oral sex that I would not want to receive, but in this scene I can’t help but wonder just how Tyler’s tongue feels on Madison’s swollen pussy especially when she sits on his face. His cock even curves perfectly for her to deep throat him while they’re in 69. These two should work together all the time! (Read more …)
Today is the 37th anniversary of Roe v. Wade and the 5th annual Blog for Choice event. For the Past 5 years NARAL has been asking bloggers questions related to the right to choose in order to raise awareness for reproductive rights and ask what they mean to us. This year’s question is:
In honor of Dr. George Tiller, who often wore a button that simply read, “Trust Women,” this year’s Blog for Choice question is: What does Trust Women mean to you?
To me, trusting women is about understanding that we can make our own informed decisions. We do not need to be coddled. We do not need to be told misinformation in order to make the “right decision.” We do not need to be forced to look at ultrasounds of the fetus to make a decision that we’ve already thought long and hard about. We do not need to be ordered by a court to do what is best for us and our families. If kids are given comprehensive sex education they will be given the tools with which to make informed decisions about sex and family planning. Women will have the ability to prevent unwanted pregnancies and to plan families if and when they want to. We need to help women to be able to make the right decisions for them by helping everyone to be educated about sex and sexuality.
I also think that part of trusting women is listening to their stories and having more women coming forward with them (if they so choose) to show that they make hard decisions that are right for them. Abortion especially is so demonized and we normally only talk about it in terms of rape or incest cases, but what about the rest of the women out there who get them? So many women feel like they can’t come out and share their stories because they do not want to be demonized or judged for making a decision that was right for them. That was why I shared my story back in August soon after Dr. Tiller’s murder. Read it here.
But maybe all this talk has been going a little over your head? I’m not being condescending here, I just forget that I have a degree in gender and women’s studies and most of you probably don’t. I may use words and phrases that you don’t know. In a recent blog post Britni alerted me to a great post on Shakesville that describes rape culture rather than just defining it. I recommend checking it out in either spot if you’ve never heard the term before, or even if you have. You might really learn something new.
Because the truth is, we can’t have a sex positive society where everyone is encouraged to express their sexuality openly without changing the culture of rape.
And look forward to more posts by Britni on her blog about rape and rape culture. Its great to see sex bloggers who tackle difficult issues.
This is a rather late response to a few blogs. The reason is that I kept telling myself that I wasn’t going to write on the topic, but then I couldn’t stop thinking about it. So obviously I just need to get this out on the internets so that I can get it out of my head.
There’s really just one issue that I want to address here and that is this idea that men are offended when women say that they feel the need to look at every man as a potential rapist.
First of all, 1/3rd of all women will be the victim of sexual assault in their lifetime (source pdf). Many of those women are assaulted more than once. That is a LOT of sexual assault. But you know that someone has to be assaulting these women. And we also know that men are the main perpetrators of violent crime (source). So logically, men are the ones assaulting these women. How come we never hear statistics of how many men are rapists? 1/3rd of women are sexually assaulted, but what fraction of men are doing the assaulting? And since men commit the most violent crimes against each other, why aren’t men more afraid of other men?
So considering how many women are assaulted and how men are almost always the perpetrators, isn’t it just a survival tactic to be wary around men? And I think the biggest problem here is that we’re more wary around men we don’t know, which is a problem since its usually the ones we do know who attack us. Do we think all men are rapists? No, but its difficult to tell which ones are and which ones aren’t. Sometimes its safer to assume that a man we just met is a rapist so that we take extra precautions.
One of the most powerful statements I’ve heard about this subject is actually from a man. I’ve posted the video on my blog here before, but to reiterate he says “Ask a woman in your life who you care about, how her life would be different if the threat of sexual assault didn’t exist. And listen to what she says; don’t talk just listen to what she says. Because you will see how constrained her life is.” I think that part of the reason that men may feel offended by our statements is because they don’t really try to understand what women go through every day of their lives. I’ve never been outright raped or assaulted. Its actually difficult to define the sexual violations I’ve experienced because they don’t follow the usual definitions. But needless to say, I have felt violated in many ways. And like most women, I live in constant fear. Its a fear that is ingrained within us from childhood. Talk to your female loved ones and really listen to what they have to say.
I don’t think that men should be offended by the statement that every man is a potential rapist. The reaction: “Well, I’m not a rapist” is a way of blocking out the problem. Its a way of saying that its not your problem. As if the problem only lies with women and their rapists. We desperately need men to fight against rape along side of us. Instead of being offended and throwing up a wall, be shocked by the statement, understand it, and work to change it. If we are ever going to see an end to sexual assault we need men to help us.
What needs to be done is we need to change our culture. Instead of always telling women to protect themselves we need to understand that the culture encourages men to rape women. We need to stop blaming women for being assaulted. We need to change our views of sex, ownership, and gender. The onus needs to be placed on those who perpetuate a culture of violence and rape.
You may never have raped or assaulted a woman yourself, but have you made a joke about sexually or physically abusing a woman? Have you laughed at jokes like these that your friends tell? Or have you even just sat by being offended by what someone is saying about women, but you haven’t spoken up? Has a woman told you that she has been sexually assaulted and you didn’t believe her? Or maybe you thought that if only she wasn’t such a slut/drunk/risk taker that maybe she wouldn’t have gotten raped in the first place? Have you ever assumed that a woman bringing a rape case against a star athlete was just in it for the money? Have you ever offered a woman drinks in order to try to have sex with her? When a woman says no to sex, do you try to convince her otherwise or do you just let it go? When you have sex with a woman do you make sure that she is an engaged and active partner or is the lack of “no” enough consent for you? Have you ever catcalled a woman on the street? Have you ever felt entitled to have sex with a woman because you bought her something or took her out? If you answered yes to any of these questions you are guilty of participating in rape culture. And I guarantee you that most people will probably answer yes to at least one. No one is perfect, but we need to realize what we’re doing and change it in order to eradicate rape from our society.
I want to give a quick shout out to a sex shop that I visited on my honeymoon: The Tool Shed. Its located in Milwaukee (yes, I honeymooned in Milwaukee. Get over it.) and its totally awesome. I love feminist sex shops and when I travel I try to go visit ones I’ve never been to before. I’m kind of a nerd like that.
When I first walked in I was a bit taken aback by the fact that there was a dude behind the counter. But I soon realized that this guy was a very comfortable guy. No threatening or creepy vibes here.
The wife and I walked around perusing the wares and I got such joy out of fondling toys that my store doesn’t carry and that I’d never actually seen in person. I want to try the SaSi SO BADLY!! The Tool Shed had quite a selection, carrying more vibes and BDSM gear than Early to Bed has. I was like a kid in a candy shop. Some of the stuff I found to be a bit odd and was glad that we don’t carry it, but there were many other things that I wished we would carry.
After looking around for awhile I introduced myself to the non-threatening dude (I am horrible with names!) behind the counter. And this is where I probably annoyed my wife. We talked shop for like an hour. Yeah, I can just go on and on about sex toys. He told me about exciting new toys coming out and I told him they should carry my fave dildo in the whole world Ella by Lelo (Ellen on E2B’s website).
And because I hate to take up someone’s time and not buy anything, I bought my wife a pair of bicycle socks. I loved that The Tool Shed had a whole bunch of locally made stuff like socks, lingerie, jewelry, zines, and art.
So if you’re in Milwaukee definitely hit up The Tool Shed for your sex toys or even socks. They rule!
Today on Feministing they linked to an amazing article A Guy’s Guide to Approaching Strange Women Without Being Maced. The article describes what goes through a woman’s head when a strange man approaches her in public. And I think it is a wonderful way of opening up men’s (and even women’s) eyes as to what women go through on a daily basis. And no matter how amazingly attractive you find a woman, there are certain circumstances in which you should never approach her. I have definitely been hit on when walking alone down a dark street before. Like HELLO!?!? Women constantly live with the fear of being assaulted and I don’t think most men really realize that.
Which reminds me of a video that a friend of mine posted in his blog (really hope he doesn’t mind the gank – I’ll take it down if he does) which featured interviews from a Men Against Sexual Violence (MASV) conference that he put on in Chicago several months ago. Its a bit rough, but it has some very powerful moments. The moment that really sticks with me is at about 8:20-9:30. Love those guys!
