It’s Day 2 of the 31 Day No Hitachi Challenge. I worked from home today which meant I had a little more time to spend and a little less on my mind. Does that equal success?
Today’s choice was the Siri, Lelo’s most powerful vibrator to date. I bought this vibe a couple years ago because I didn’t own any Lelo vibes and it felt like a right of passage I was missing out on. I owned the Ella dildo and loved it, but Lelo is best known for their luxury vibrators. I had to see what I was missing out on. In that time I used it once and decided that it wasn’t powerful enough. I had eyed my Hitachi with disdain for making it impossible to enjoy this toy so it seemed like a natural pick for the challenge.
The original plan for today was to watch My Own Master which, while I haven’t seen ALL of it, I had declared to be THE BEST PORNO EVER MADE. Because if there’s one thing in this world that could get me aroused enough it would definitely be the first scene in this flick. This is where I experienced deep horrible painful disappointment. The disc was nowhere to be found and I concluded that I must’ve left it in my old desktop which I gave to Best Buy for recycling. I don’t know if I will ever recover from this pain.
So I went searching through my other porn and found one I hadn’t watched yet, but promised great things: Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Female Orgasms. I trust Tristan to provide me with hot sex and she did deliver. I watched the scene with Dylan Ryan and Mr. Marcus. Now I must admit that since I’ve moved to California and met many of my favorite porn stars it’s gotten a little weird to watch them fuck. I’m not friends with Dylan, but I have partied with her and spent some time chatting with her. And for how amazing she is in porn, she’s like a goddess in real life. I don’t know that I’ve ever met a fiercer femme. So it’s a little weird, but I worked past that for the sake of science*.
Dylan’s pleasure and orgasms were intense thanks to Mr. Marcus, a bit of lube, an njoy Eleven, and a Hitachi Magic Wand. The latter of which you can imagine put a bit of a damper on my experience. Jealous!
I spent about 50 minutes masturbating today, starting slow and working my way up. I did not cum, but I did come close. There is a very intense few minutes between Dylan and Mr. Marcus that facilitated getting me very close. I identified with Dylan so hard: her moaning, her movements, it felt like that could be me. However, to get that close I did have to use a dildo. The Siri just did not provide me with the kind of power that I’m used to. And actually, if we’re being honest here, my clit never felt all that close to orgasm. My g-spot was ready to pull it out, but needed a little extra oomph in the clit department to push me over the edge. It never happened. And by the end I felt a little sick, but I didn’t have the hard clit spasming like I had yesterday which was a relief.
I do feel like my libido is pickup up a bit overall so that’s good news. I’m not frustrated yet, but there’s always tomorrow.
*Yeah, yeah, not really science. I feel like I have to make that disclaimer since I’m married to a scientist.
Q: Sooooo my boyfriend and I just tried anal for the first time and I really like it, but every time he starts to pull back I get this sudden, insane urge to pee and have to stop to go pee. Why is that and can I prevent it?
A: Without any more information as to what is happening my best guess would have to be that he is hitting your g-spot perfectly through your rectal wall. This is often the sensation that many women report when they first start exploring g-spot stimulation.
Image from Home Business and Family Life
You’ll notice from this diagram that there is a very thin wall between the vaginal canal and the rectum. It is very easy to stimulate the g-spot, which is on the front wall of the vagina about 2 inches in, through this thin wall if there is nothing obstructing it.
So if you want a quick solution then put something in your vagina like fingers or a sex toy. This will keep him from hitting your g-spot and making you feel like you have to pee. Keep in mind though that there’s only so much space in your pelvic region and you may want to use smaller objects to put inside of your vagina so that you don’t feel like you’re too filled up – unless that’s what you’re going for.
The problem with the quick solution is that a big part of what might be feeling good when you’re having anal sex is the g-spot stimulation. Taking that part away may make the experience less pleasurable. In that case you may want to go for more of a long term solution. It will take more time and patience, but will most likely be worth it in the long run.
This feeling like you have to pee when the g-spot is stimulated actually makes a lot of sense when you understand what the g-spot is. The urethral sponge is what’s actually being hit. This sponge swells when aroused and protects the urethra from getting banged into and damaged. So the spot that’s being stimulated is almost a direct pathway to your urethra and bladder. Hence the need to pee sensation. You may even feel this if your bladder is completely empty. This is just a natural reaction, but no fear, you can learn to bypass the peeing feeling to get just the enjoyment.
However, it takes patience and because of that I highly recommend you lay off the anal intercourse for a bit and instead focus on stimulation with toys or fingers in either your anus or vagina. This way you may be able to concentrate better and you won’t have someone else’s pleasure to think about too.
If it helps to free your mind from the concern of peeing, you may want to go to the bathroom first before you start to play. Although keep in mind that for some people, a completely empty bladder also means that they may not feel the g-spot stimulation as much. Sometimes a bladder that has some urine in it helps to create pressure on the spot as well. Although a full bladder is often just annoying. You can also put a few towels under you if that makes you feel more comfortable.
The goal though is to get past that feeling of having to pee because when we feel like we have to go, but don’t want to we clench our PC muscles which can keep you from having an orgasm. It’s important to learn to relax, breathe, and focus on the stimulation instead of the anxiety. You may find that over time this will help to transform the feelings of g-spot stimulation from “OMG I have to pee!” to “OMG I’m going to cum!.”
If you’re unsure of how to stimulate your g-spot I recommend inserting one or two fingers (either yours or his) into the vagina once you are fully aroused and making a “come hither” motion pointing towards your belly button. You won’t have to go too deep … just a couple of inches should do it. Or you can also use a g-spot toy. If you prefer the feeling of g-spot stimulation through anal play you can do basically the same thing, but if you’re using a toy make sure that it has a flared base on it so it can’t get lost up your butt. And don’t share the toy between your vagina and your ass unless you use condoms or sterilize the toy between orifices.
Q: What would you recommend for a first g spot dildo? I’ve only experimented with bullets before and I don’t like how flimsy they’re built or their lack of power. Any advice would be appreciated.
A: As with any firsts, I tend to recommend that people start on the cheaper side to see if they enjoy the type of stimulation that that particular toy provides, and to learn more about what they really want in a toy of that type. It’s also a good idea to go for something with a lot of versatility so that you can find out for yourself exactly what it is your like and what you don’t like.
The qualities you look for in any g-spot stimulator will be a pronounced curve with which to stimulate the g-spot, and firmness. Most g-spots prefer a firm touch, not a light tickle. But that doesn’t mean you have to start beating at it with steel. A firm silicone should do the job as well.
But I’m a little confused here because you’re asking about dildos and then you mentioned vibrating bullets. Dildos, in general, don’t vibrate. Although, some come with bullets that you can place inside of them so that they do vibrate. If the usual one speed bullet doesn’t do it for you, there is the option of using other bullets that are a similar size. The RO-80mm Bullet Vibe packs a bit more of a punch than the standard bullet that comes with dildos, but it’s still cordless. If you want a vibe that is going to be even stronger you’re going to have to start looking at cords, but I warn you that you should never pull the vibe out of the dildo by it’s cord as that will break it very easily. The Turbo Bullet is a great option for a vibe that will fit in a standard vibe hole in your dildo. It’s a heck of a lot stronger than the standard vibe and has a few different speeds.
There are a lot of great g-spot dildos on the market and the favorites tend to be pricier, but since we’re just starting out we’re not looking for anything expensive. I suggest you try:
- Rose G-Spotter- A glass toy which will give you the pressure your g-spot wants. It has a pronounced curve which will make finding your g-spot easy and a handle so you don’t lose your grip. If it turns out you don’t enjoy g-spot stimulation, you can use the other side as a dildo as well! That’s what I call versatile. And at $38 it’s very affordable. Does not vibrate.
- Ella – This is my favorite g-spot dildo. It’s made of a firm silicone and it’s flat head on a curved angle keeps constant contact with your g-spot. A sensation that is unlike most other g-spot toys which just kind of scratch the surface. Plus it’s made by Lelo so you know it’s high quality. You can also use both sides of this toy. I personally find that it’s nice to warm up with the straight end and then get off with the curved side. This one is $44. Does not vibrate.
- Gee Whiz – If you already have a Hitachi Magic Wand this may be the perfect option. It’s a silicone g-spot dildo that fits over the head and give you the powerful vibrations that you desire. $50
There are other great g-spot dildos, some that vibrate and some that don’t, but I was trying to stick to $50 or less. So if you’re willing to spend more then great, but for a first time toy, I wouldn’t go crazy.
Here are some of the less expensive, but still good quality g-spot vibes on the market that are great for newbies:
- Orchid G – This is an insanely popular vibrator, and for good reason. At $22 it won’t break the bank and it works great for internal and external stimulation. If it turns out you don’t like g-spot stimulation from a vibrator, this is great for using clitorally and can be great for partner sex because it easily fits between two people with it’s long handle. It’s hard plastic so it’s not the awesomest of toys and will get louder over time, but it is what it is. Plus, if you want to read up on g-spot stimulation and get this toy you can save by getting the G-spot Kit. With 2 AA batteries, this vibe is relatively strong as well.
- Venus - This is a great G-spot vibe if you want a bit softer of a texture than the Orchid G can provide. It says it’s silicone which is probably true, but I doubt it’s a high quality medical grade silicone given the manufacturer. Still, at $30 it’s inexpensive and has variable vibration speeds with a g-spot curve.
- Briana – This is a g-spot toy for those who prefer a bit more girth. It’s made out of a softer plastic that is phthalate free, but I’d still recommend using a condom with it since it is porous which means bacteria can harbor in it. The vibrations on this one are a bit rumblier than the other two mentioned. This one is also $22 and totally affordable.
And be sure to use plenty of lube! A thinner lube that glides easily may be your best option. I suggest Sliquid H2O with all toys or Sliquid Silver with non-silicone toys.
Every so often one must go through a purge. Because I have so many sex toys I have to get rid of them from time to time. Above is a crappy cellphone pic of all the toys I am sending off to be recycled. I realize that what I am getting rid of is bigger than most people’s entire collection. But the truth is that I think I bought only one or two of those toys. I am a choosy buyer and will normally only get toys that I know I will really like.
Some of these toys have very fond memories and some of them have only been used once or twice. One has never been used (damn duplicates). A couple are the only vibes my wife brought into our relationship. They have never been used since we moved in together. After all, why would she want to use those when she has access to my entire collection? Most of the toys were given to me for review, but keep in mind that just because I don’t like something doesn’t mean you won’t. And truth be told, I did really like some of these, but I’ve replaced them with better toys. Or maybe my vagina has just gotten pickier.
I thought I had a lot more to get rid of, but I purged most of the worst toys (jelly awfulness) in the last go around.
I am a little reluctant to get rid of the green silicone g-spotter dildo, but it has a taint tapper and as aag said recently, I am delicately tainted.
Just a quick reminder that I will be doing my last Chicago workshop (while I’m still living here) tomorrow night at Early to Bed. Come out and learn about the magical g-spot and female ejaculation. Last I checked there were still spots open.
5232 N. Sheridan Rd. in Chicago
7:30 PM $15/$10 students and low income
Hope to see you there!
Hey Chicagoans (sorry to those of you who aren’t from Chicago)! Early to Bed is having a couple of exciting events coming up next week. You should come out to both if you can make it.
On Tuesday July 13th at 7:30PM I will be giving my last Chicago workshop before I move. The topic is the g-spot and female ejaculation. It promises to be a lot of fun. Please pre-register either online, by phone, or in person. $15/$10 low income. There are lots of spots still open.
On Friday July 16th there will be a benefit for the Chicago Abortion Fund (CAF) 7-pPM. There will be snacks and drinks and 15% of all purchases will be donated to CAF