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Q: What would you recommend for a first g spot dildo? I’ve only experimented with bullets before and I don’t like how flimsy they’re built or their lack of power. Any advice would be appreciated.
A: As with any firsts, I tend to recommend that people start on the cheaper side to see if they enjoy the type of stimulation that that particular toy provides, and to learn more about what they really want in a toy of that type. It’s also a good idea to go for something with a lot of versatility so that you can find out for yourself exactly what it is your like and what you don’t like.
The qualities you look for in any g-spot stimulator will be a pronounced curve with which to stimulate the g-spot, and firmness. Most g-spots prefer a firm touch, not a light tickle. But that doesn’t mean you have to start beating at it with steel. A firm silicone should do the job as well.
But I’m a little confused here because you’re asking about dildos and then you mentioned vibrating bullets. Dildos, in general, don’t vibrate. Although, some come with bullets that you can place inside of them so that they do vibrate. If the usual one speed bullet doesn’t do it for you, there is the option of using other bullets that are a similar size. The RO-80mm Bullet Vibe packs a bit more of a punch than the standard bullet that comes with dildos, but it’s still cordless. If you want a vibe that is going to be even stronger you’re going to have to start looking at cords, but I warn you that you should never pull the vibe out of the dildo by it’s cord as that will break it very easily. The Turbo Bullet is a great option for a vibe that will fit in a standard vibe hole in your dildo. It’s a heck of a lot stronger than the standard vibe and has a few different speeds.
There are a lot of great g-spot dildos on the market and the favorites tend to be pricier, but since we’re just starting out we’re not looking for anything expensive. I suggest you try:
Rose G-Spotter- A glass toy which will give you the pressure your g-spot wants. It has a pronounced curve which will make finding your g-spot easy and a handle so you don’t lose your grip. If it turns out you don’t enjoy g-spot stimulation, you can use the other side as a dildo as well! That’s what I call versatile. And at $38 it’s very affordable. Does not vibrate.
Ella – This is my favorite g-spot dildo. It’s made of a firm silicone and it’s flat head on a curved angle keeps constant contact with your g-spot. A sensation that is unlike most other g-spot toys which just kind of scratch the surface. Plus it’s made by Lelo so you know it’s high quality. You can also use both sides of this toy. I personally find that it’s nice to warm up with the straight end and then get off with the curved side. This one is $44. Does not vibrate.
Gee Whiz – If you already have a Hitachi Magic Wand this may be the perfect option. It’s a silicone g-spot dildo that fits over the head and give you the powerful vibrations that you desire. $50
There are other great g-spot dildos, some that vibrate and some that don’t, but I was trying to stick to $50 or less. So if you’re willing to spend more then great, but for a first time toy, I wouldn’t go crazy.
Here are some of the less expensive, but still good quality g-spot vibes on the market that are great for newbies:
Orchid G – This is an insanely popular vibrator, and for good reason. At $22 it won’t break the bank and it works great for internal and external stimulation. If it turns out you don’t like g-spot stimulation from a vibrator, this is great for using clitorally and can be great for partner sex because it easily fits between two people with it’s long handle. It’s hard plastic so it’s not the awesomest of toys and will get louder over time, but it is what it is. Plus, if you want to read up on g-spot stimulation and get this toy you can save by getting the G-spot Kit. With 2 AA batteries, this vibe is relatively strong as well.
Venus - This is a great G-spot vibe if you want a bit softer of a texture than the Orchid G can provide. It says it’s silicone which is probably true, but I doubt it’s a high quality medical grade silicone given the manufacturer. Still, at $30 it’s inexpensive and has variable vibration speeds with a g-spot curve.
Briana – This is a g-spot toy for those who prefer a bit more girth. It’s made out of a softer plastic that is phthalate free, but I’d still recommend using a condom with it since it is porous which means bacteria can harbor in it. The vibrations on this one are a bit rumblier than the other two mentioned. This one is also $22 and totally affordable.
And be sure to use plenty of lube! A thinner lube that glides easily may be your best option. I suggest Sliquid H2O with all toys or Sliquid Silver with non-silicone toys.
So I wrote this post in 2008 that was pretty popular. It was about how silicone lube is flammable. I included a video of our experiment and everything. It was picked up by Wired, Violet Blue, and a lot of other folks.
And then apparently everyone forgot about it or I just reached a new bunch of people who hadn’t heard about it. I tweeted a daily tip as I do every week day and it was about silicone lube being flammable. Oh Megan who is super awesome and totally crush worthy commented on it saying she had no idea. This prompted me to go digging through my archives (not really since it’s actually on my best of list on my right side bar) for the original post, which I then linked her to.
The problem was that the video didn’t work because it had been transferred over in blogger format since that was how it was originally posted – even though I’d had it on youtube as well. So I had to update the video on that post. And this is where fate kind of steps in. Had it been during any other week nothing would have happened. But that particular week I had tried an auto tweet plugin. I had originally assumed that it would just tweet when I published a new post, but it actually was really annoying and would tweet every time I edited a post. So when I edited that original post it tweeted about it. That drove several people to that original article.
So between the twitter accident and the purposeful twitter the word got out again: Silicone lube is flammable! And the web was a buzz of excitement – although not as buzzy as before.
But the really cool thing here is that one sex educator decided to actually contact the makers of silicone lube and see what they had to say and what kind of dangers it really posed. Predictably, they said not much, but I honestly never thought it was all that super dangerous really since I’d never heard of anyone suffering from silicone lube induced burns, but I did think it was necessary to make people aware so they’d be a bit more cautious with it. Especially since I know people who play with fire and also others who use silicone lube for like everything around the house. Seriously, it has replaced duct tape for some.
And just for the fun of it, here is the video again:
I love seeing how people get to my site. And sometimes they inadvertently find my site by asking a question I never answer here. That makes me sad :( So in the interest of getting people’s questions answered I will respond to questions I see people Googling to get here.
Q: What happens if a woman puts a dildo in without being wet?
A: All kinds of uncomfortableness. Lubrication keeps things moving smoothly as it were. It may be difficult for her to move the dildo around or even penetrate herself without any sort of discomfort. There’s the possibility that she could even tear the delicate tissue in her vagina. So before using a dildo ladies, please get yourself all hot and bothered enough to lubricate and/or use store bought lube.
Q: My girlfriend has been curious about trying anal sex for the first time. I was wondering if you have any pro tips on how to make her first anal experience as comfortable and pleasurable as possible. My first experiences bottoming were less than pleasant, and I’m sure you understand my desire to make it as pleasurable and pain free as possible.
A: Patience and lots of lube are the keys to a good first anal sex experience. If she hasn’t had anything in her butt before, plan on taking at least a few weeks before you move up to anything cock-like in her bottom.
First, she will have to be fully aroused in other manners. Makeout, play with her nipples, rub her clit, you know whatever gets her motor running. It is always easier to try new things when you’re both pretty aroused before you start. Then use a good thick lube (I recommend Maximus) to rub around her anus. It is a good idea to rub the lube in your fingers a bit to warm it up first especially in the winter months. The first time you do this, don’t have the goal of actually going inside of her anus unless she insists. The goal is more for her to get used to feeling arousal from that area of her body. So many of us aren’t used to feeling good sensations coming from our butts if we haven’t experienced anal play before. Try pressing and rubbing all around the sides of her anus. If she begs for more, then let her have the first one or two knuckles of one finger. But no more than that. You’ll have plenty of time to explore in the next few weeks. And only play with her ass for as long as she can take it. The anus can wear itself out from extended play.
The next couple times just use one finger and still lots of lube and arousal. The more of a tease you are, not giving in to her full desires to be penetrated in her ass, the more she will crave it. And it is always better to go too slow than too fast when it comes to the butt.
Now, you may think you’re ready as you move from one finger to two fingers. But no, you are not ready to stick your dick in her yet. Like I told you before, the anus gets tired. Wiggling your fingers around can feel pretty nice, but if you want to move onto a cock you’re going to need to purchase some butt plugs. Tristan Taormino taught me that the more you mess with the butt, the more likely it is to say “no more tonight honey.” So the best way to warm up to anal sex isn’t going to be by going in and out of her butt with your fingers, but slowly stretching it out to prepare for your dick.
Bootie is a great beginner plug. Then you could maybe move up to something like Ryder. Or for convenience you could just get every size of the Pop Plugs which are relatively inexpensive silicone plugs that work their way up in size. But whatever you do, don’t forget the lube in all of this. It is SO important!
When you’re first starting out with plugs feel free to switch between them and fingers, but make sure that the fingers you use for her vulva/vagina are not the same fingers you are using for her butt.
Once your girlfriend has become comfortable with the biggest butt plug in your repertoire you can then move on to your dick. Just remember that you have to do finger, then small butt plug, then bigger butt plug, then maybe an even bigger butt plug, and then your dick each time you do this. It will become easier with time and she can also warm her ass up for you in preparation for a hot night of ass sex.
Things to keep in mind:
Do NOT use any sort of anal desensitizer!!! I cannot say this enough. The tissues in your rectum are very delicate and can easily be torn. Desensitizing your ass means that you won’t be able to feel something going seriously wrong.
And on that note, if something hurts, stop. Slowly take whatever is in the butt out and do not try again until she is comfortable with it in a day or more.
Hi! So I lost my virginity to my boyfriend a few months ago (I’m just over 18) but we haven’t had sex since. We’ve tried, but it really really really hurts when he tries to go in. It might be because I’m not wet enough? We used lube the first time because, yeah, I wasn’t wet enough. I just can’t seem to get wet when we begin the foreplay and I don’t know why? Please help.
If you haven’t read my post about painful sex after losing your virginity be sure to read it. I address a lot of the possible issues there. But I wanted to do another blog post that specifically focuses on the subject of vaginal lubrication which you say might be the reason the sex is painful.
First of all, every woman is different. Some women get really wet, but may not feel particularly aroused while other women may be so aroused that they’ll hump the closest thing that vibrates (washing machine?), but they’ll be really dry. And then of course there is everyone in between.
There are many reasons that a woman may or may not get wet and those can differ throughout her lifetime. Some of these may include:
You were made that way: Its just genetics and there’s no changing it. If you were to ask your mother she might site the same problems with vaginal dryness.
Hormones: As our menstrual cycle changes so does our body. You may have noticed other changes in your body as well. During ovulation vaginal lubrication becomes waterier so that it is easier to get pregnant. And as many women get older menopause can turn their vaginas into the Sahara Desert.
Medication: A lot of different medications have side-effects. Some of them can cause vaginal dryness. The main culprits are anti-depressants, hormonal birth control, anti-histamines, and decongestants (they don’t only dry out your nose).
Diet/Exercise: Your overall level of health effects natural body functions. In general, the healthier you are, the better your body functions.
Hydration: If you don’t drink enough water you are going to have a harder time producing the wet stuff.
Life: Life throws curveballs. So much that goes on in our day to day can really effect us. Stress, depression, sleep deprivation, pregnancy, lactation, and menopause can all effect your ability to lubricate.
Drugs/Alcohol: Sex and drugs just don’t mix. That being said, there can be some exceptions to this rule. Smoking pot has been known to help with Anorgasmia, but that’s another post for another day.
Latex: You all should be having safer sex! And latex actually dries a vagina out. Add extra lube to make things more slippery and fun and also to prevent the condom from breaking.
Some of this stuff is changeable, some of it is not. And lets face it, sometimes you want to have sex when you’re drunk. In these cases, and in really any case, lube is a fantastic option. Lube makes everything better. There are 3 main types of lube:
Water-based: Most lubes are water-based and these tend to be the easiest to find and are often cheaper than some other types. They are condom compatible and easily wash out of sheets. If water based lube dries out, you can add more lube or add some water or spit to rejuvenate it. Look at the ingredients list on lube bottles before buying them. Try to avoid stuff like fragrance, glycerin, honey (actually saw this one in a certain type of KY), and flavors. Flavored lube is really only for external use (i.e. oral sex and rim jobs). Recommendations: Liquid Silk, Maximus, Slippery Stuff, or if you have a lot of allergies SliquidH2O
Silicone-based: Because these are not water-based they do not wash away, which makes this a great option for shower sex, but also means that it can stain your sheets. Lay a towel down before using silicone lube. A lot of people love that silicone lube doesn’t dry up as fast as water-based lubes which means a little goes a long way. They may be more expensive, but it ends up evening out in the end. Just remember that you can’t use silicone-based lube with most silicone sex toys, but they can be used with condoms. Recommendations: Pink, Pjur, and Gun Oil. Some silicone lubricants contain aloe. This can make them dry up a little faster than the ones that don’t.
Oil-Based: Oil-based lubes should really only be used for masturbation. Men can use them to jerk off with and women can rub a little bit of oil on their clits. These lubricants DO NOT belong inside a vagina and they will degrade a latex condom making it useless. Therefore I will not make any recommendations on this one.
If you can’t decide what will work best for you, many sex shops carry lube sampler packs that will have small 1 or 2 time use pillows of their bestselling lubes. Babeland, Good Vibrations, and Early to Bed all have great samplers.
Tomorrow evening the wife and I leave for our honeymoon. Now you may be asking yourselves, “What kinds of toys does a sex educator/sex toy reviewer bring with them on their honeymoon?” Because you know I have a ton of them, but only a couple make the cut. Some of them new and some of them old favorites that go on every trip. The above picture is what I’m pretty sure I’ve decided on bringing. From left to right starting in the top row they are:
Trojan Supras: The first non-latex condom I ever started using that have remained an old standby. Once these have run out though I will probably be switching to the polyisoprene because they are cheaper. The feeling of the condoms don’t really matter that much to me since they are just used on dildos, but they have to be non-latex as I am allergic.
Frank: He’s a cyberskin dildo that I love giving blowjobs to. I use honey dust to keep him lifelike instead of cornstarch so that he tastes yummy.
Hitachi Magic Wand: Like this one should be a surprise to anyone. Shouldn’t you all own one of these by now? Seriously? Its the best. Nuff said.
Mr. Bendy/Silky: My second favorite dildo ever. This guy is made out of squishy elastomer and has a rod in the center that allows for a bendy good time. I use condoms with him because elastomer is porous, but its totally worth it. This is definitely my favorite strap-on dildo.
Orbit: One of the first dildos I reviewed back when I was just a Carnal Consultant for Early to Bed. Still one of my faves! Although if I decide that I have too many dildos on the trip either Orbit or Frank will get cut.
Feeldoe Slim: High quality double-sided dildo that no romantic vacation can do without. Can be used with or without a harness.
Ella by Lelo: By far my absolute favorite dildo. And I know what I’m talking about; I own 14! This dildo is the absolute best for g-spot. Leave it to Lelo to only make one dildo, but have it be absolutely amazing.
Thigh Harness: This is a newer toy of mine that I’m trying out for Babeland. We’ve given it a few goes, but feel that in order to review it properly it needs to come with me on our honeymoon. Look for that review coming up soon.
Gun Oil: High quality silicone lubricant for some hot hot shower sex.
Maximus: My favorite lube. This stuff is waterbased and has the consistency of hair gel. I was finally smart enough to get a travel bottle that wouldn’t get all over everything too!
Saturn: This is a small ridged waterproof vibe made out of a silky plastic. Super cheap and hopefully fun in the shower. Never used this one before, but picked it up special for my honeymoon.
Dirty Dice: Yes, I said Dirty Dice. Honeymoons are supposed to be for silly sex games damnit! And I’ve never played with these before so I thought they’d be a fun way to get into the play.
Buddy: A silicone butt plug that is a little on the smaller side, but not too small.
Tweezer Clamps: Because with all this sweetness there needed to be some pain …
Silky Blindfold: Because sometimes its better if they can’t see whats coming. Mwahahaha!
Flower Balm: Another product sent to me to review. I’ve played with it a little bit and I can tell you this: The menthol definitely works on clits and lips! Look for an upcoming review after the honeymoon!
Heart Paddle: I don’t know if anyone carries this anymore, but its a great lightweight wooden paddle that makes a great loud SMACK noise without hurting TOO much.
Vibrating Makeup Brush: No, I don’t care about being discreet. Discreet vibes will not get me off. However, the vibrating brush is great for sensation play.
Non-latex Gloves: We are monogamous and therefore are definitely fluid bonded. However, I work in an office and get lots of papercuts. The pH of the vag being what it is, gloves often make things less stingy for me. Also, the lower amount of friction helps with my arthritis.
Vibe Harness: OMG I looked at this thing today when I pulled it out and I think it may be time for a new one. This thing is OLD!! We’re talking, before this relationship old. But its my wife’s favorite. Its like a part of her by now.
Oh just realized that in the top row is my Teneo Uno you just can’t see it. Taking that too.
So there you have it! Should be a fun honeymoon. See you all next week.