A: As with any firsts, I tend to recommend that people start on the cheaper side to see if they enjoy the [...]]]> Q: What would you recommend for a first g spot dildo? I’ve only experimented with bullets before and I don’t like how flimsy they’re built or their lack of power. Any advice would be appreciated.

A: As with any firsts, I tend to recommend that people start on the cheaper side to see if they enjoy the type of stimulation that that particular toy provides, and to learn more about what they really want in a toy of that type. It’s also a good idea to go for something with a lot of versatility so that you can find out for yourself exactly what it is your like and what you don’t like.

The qualities you look for in any g-spot stimulator will be a pronounced curve with which to stimulate the g-spot, and firmness. Most g-spots prefer a firm touch, not a light tickle. But that doesn’t mean you have to start beating at it with steel. A firm silicone should do the job as well.

But I’m a little confused here because you’re asking about dildos and then you mentioned vibrating bullets. Dildos, in general, don’t vibrate. Although, some come with bullets that you can place inside of them so that they do vibrate. If the usual one speed bullet doesn’t do it for you, there is the option of using other bullets that are a similar size. The RO-80mm Bullet Vibe packs a bit more of a punch than the standard bullet that comes with dildos, but it’s still cordless. If you want a vibe that is going to be even stronger you’re going to have to start looking at cords, but I warn you that you should never pull the vibe out of the dildo by it’s cord as that will break it very easily. The Turbo Bullet is a great option for a vibe that will fit in a standard vibe hole in your dildo. It’s a heck of a lot stronger than the standard vibe and has a few different speeds.

G-Spot Dildos

There are a lot of great g-spot dildos on the market and the favorites tend to be pricier, but since we’re just starting out we’re not looking for anything expensive. I suggest you try:

• Rose G-Spotter- A glass toy which will give you the pressure your g-spot wants. It has a pronounced curve which will make finding your g-spot easy and a handle so you don’t lose your grip. If it turns out you don’t enjoy g-spot stimulation, you can use the other side as a dildo as well! That’s what I call versatile. And at $38 it’s very affordable. Does not vibrate.
• Ella – This is my favorite g-spot dildo. It’s made of a firm silicone and it’s flat head on a curved angle keeps constant contact with your g-spot. A sensation that is unlike most other g-spot toys which just kind of scratch the surface. Plus it’s made by Lelo so you know it’s high quality. You can also use both sides of this toy. I personally find that it’s nice to warm up with the straight end and then get off with the curved side. This one is $44. Does not vibrate.
• Gee Whiz – If you already have a Hitachi Magic Wand this may be the perfect option. It’s a silicone g-spot dildo that fits over the head and give you the powerful vibrations that you desire. $50

There are other great g-spot dildos, some that vibrate and some that don’t, but I was trying to stick to $50 or less. So if you’re willing to spend more then great, but for a first time toy, I wouldn’t go crazy.

G-Spot Vibrators

Here are some of the less expensive, but still good quality g-spot vibes on the market that are great for newbies:

• Orchid G – This is an insanely popular vibrator, and for good reason. At $22 it won’t break the bank and it works great for internal and external stimulation. If it turns out you don’t like g-spot stimulation from a vibrator, this is great for using clitorally and can be great for partner sex because it easily fits between two people with it’s long handle. It’s hard plastic so it’s not the awesomest of toys and will get louder over time, but it is what it is. Plus, if you want to read up on g-spot stimulation and get this toy you can save by getting the G-spot Kit. With 2 AA batteries, this vibe is relatively strong as well.
• Venus - This is a great G-spot vibe if you want a bit softer of a texture than the Orchid G can provide. It says it’s silicone which is probably true, but I doubt it’s a high quality medical grade silicone given the manufacturer. Still, at $30 it’s inexpensive and has variable vibration speeds with a g-spot curve.
• Briana – This is a g-spot toy for those who prefer a bit more girth. It’s made out of a softer plastic that is phthalate free, but I’d still recommend using a condom with it since it is porous which means bacteria can harbor in it. The vibrations on this one are a bit rumblier than the other two mentioned. This one is also $22 and totally affordable.

And be sure to use plenty of lube! A thinner lube that glides easily may be your best option. I suggest Sliquid H2O with all toys or Sliquid Silver with non-silicone toys.

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This post, First G-Spot Toy, originally appeared on Ask Garnet on 08/30/2010. Click over to leave a comment or ask a question: First G-Spot Toy. Thanks for visiting!
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And then apparently everyone forgot about it or I just reached a new bunch of [...]]]> So I wrote this post in 2008 that was pretty popular. It was about how silicone lube is flammable. I included a video of our experiment and everything. It was picked up by Wired, Violet Blue, and a lot of other folks.

And then apparently everyone forgot about it or I just reached a new bunch of people who hadn’t heard about it. I tweeted a daily tip as I do every week day and it was about silicone lube being flammable. Oh Megan who is super awesome and totally crush worthy commented on it saying she had no idea. This prompted me to go digging through my archives (not really since it’s actually on my best of list on my right side bar) for the original post, which I then linked her to.

The problem was that the video didn’t work because it had been transferred over in blogger format since that was how it was originally posted – even though I’d had it on youtube as well. So I had to update the video on that post. And this is where fate kind of steps in. Had it been during any other week nothing would have happened. But that particular week I had tried an auto tweet plugin. I had originally assumed that it would just tweet when I published a new post, but it actually was really annoying and would tweet every time I edited a post. So when I edited that original post it tweeted about it. That drove several people to that original article.

So between the twitter accident and the purposeful twitter the word got out again: Silicone lube is flammable! And the web was a buzz of excitement – although not as buzzy as before.

But the really cool thing here is that one sex educator decided to actually contact the makers of silicone lube and see what they had to say and what kind of dangers it really posed. Predictably, they said not much, but I honestly never thought it was all that super dangerous really since I’d never heard of anyone suffering from silicone lube induced burns, but I did think it was necessary to make people aware so they’d be a bit more cautious with it. Especially since I know people who play with fire and also others who use silicone lube for like everything around the house. Seriously, it has replaced duct tape for some.

And just for the fun of it, here is the video again:

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This post, The Flammable Lube Saga, originally appeared on Ask Garnet on 04/08/2010. Click over to leave a comment or ask a question: The Flammable Lube Saga. Thanks for visiting!
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Q: What happens if a woman puts [...]]]> I love seeing how people get to my site. And sometimes they inadvertently find my site by asking a question I never answer here. That makes me sad :( So in the interest of getting people’s questions answered I will respond to questions I see people Googling to get here.

Q: What happens if a woman puts a dildo in without being wet?

A: All kinds of uncomfortableness. Lubrication keeps things moving smoothly as it were. It may be difficult for her to move the dildo around or even penetrate herself without any sort of discomfort. There’s the possibility that she could even tear the delicate tissue in her vagina. So before using a dildo ladies, please get yourself all hot and bothered enough to lubricate and/or use store bought lube.

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This post, If you Google it, I will Answer #5, originally appeared on Ask Garnet on 03/24/2010. Click over to leave a comment or ask a question: If you Google it, I will Answer #5. Thanks for visiting!
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Click on pic to see more

Q: My girlfriend has been curious about trying anal sex for the first time. I was wondering if you have any pro tips on how to make her first anal experience as comfortable and pleasurable as possible. My first experiences bottoming were less than pleasant, and I’m sure you [...]]]>

Click on pic to see more

Q: My girlfriend has been curious about trying anal sex for the first time. I was wondering if you have any pro tips on how to make her first anal experience as comfortable and pleasurable as possible. My first experiences bottoming were less than pleasant, and I’m sure you understand my desire to make it as pleasurable and pain free as possible.

A: Patience and lots of lube are the keys to a good first anal sex experience. If she hasn’t had anything in her butt before, plan on taking at least a few weeks before you move up to anything cock-like in her bottom.

First, she will have to be fully aroused in other manners. Makeout, play with her nipples, rub her clit, you know whatever gets her motor running. It is always easier to try new things when you’re both pretty aroused before you start. Then use a good thick lube (I recommend Maximus) to rub around her anus. It is a good idea to rub the lube in your fingers a bit to warm it up first especially in the winter months. The first time you do this, don’t have the goal of actually going inside of her anus unless she insists. The goal is more for her to get used to feeling arousal from that area of her body. So many of us aren’t used to feeling good sensations coming from our butts if we haven’t experienced anal play before. Try pressing and rubbing all around the sides of her anus. If she begs for more, then let her have the first one or two knuckles of one finger. But no more than that. You’ll have plenty of time to explore in the next few weeks. And only play with her ass for as long as she can take it. The anus can wear itself out from extended play.

The next couple times just use one finger and still lots of lube and arousal. The more of a tease you are, not giving in to her full desires to be penetrated in her ass, the more she will crave it. And it is always better to go too slow than too fast when it comes to the butt.

Now, you may think you’re ready as you move from one finger to two fingers. But no, you are not ready to stick your dick in her yet. Like I told you before, the anus gets tired. Wiggling your fingers around can feel pretty nice, but if you want to move onto a cock you’re going to need to purchase some butt plugs. Tristan Taormino taught me that the more you mess with the butt, the more likely it is to say “no more tonight honey.” So the best way to warm up to anal sex isn’t going to be by going in and out of her butt with your fingers, but slowly stretching it out to prepare for your dick.

Bootie is a great beginner plug. Then you could maybe move up to something like Ryder. Or for convenience you could just get every size of the Pop Plugs which are relatively inexpensive silicone plugs that work their way up in size. But whatever you do, don’t forget the lube in all of this. It is SO important!

When you’re first starting out with plugs feel free to switch between them and fingers, but make sure that the fingers you use for her vulva/vagina are not the same fingers you are using for her butt.

Once your girlfriend has become comfortable with the biggest butt plug in your repertoire you can then move on to your dick. Just remember that you have to do finger, then small butt plug, then bigger butt plug, then maybe an even bigger butt plug, and then your dick each time you do this. It will become easier with time and she can also warm her ass up for you in preparation for a hot night of ass sex.

Things to keep in mind:

• Do NOT use any sort of anal desensitizer!!! I cannot say this enough. The tissues in your rectum are very delicate and can easily be torn. Desensitizing your ass means that you won’t be able to feel something going seriously wrong.
• And on that note, if something hurts, stop. Slowly take whatever is in the butt out and do not try again until she is comfortable with it in a day or more.
• Use lots of lube! There’s never enough lube!
• Shit Happens
• Wear a condom!! I don’t care how monogamous or disease free you are. Bacteria in your urethra is a big no no and there’s a lot of that in everyone’s butt.
• Communicate with each other about how things are going.
• Remember, butt sex is supposed to feel good for both people. So if she’s not enjoying it, then its probably not worth pursuing.

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This post, Anal Sex for Beginners, originally appeared on Ask Garnet on 02/22/2010. Click over to leave a comment or ask a question: Anal Sex for Beginners. Thanks for visiting!
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Tomorrow evening the wife and I leave for our honeymoon. Now you may be asking yourselves, “What kinds of toys does a sex educator/sex toy reviewer bring with them on their honeymoon?” Because you know I have a ton of them, but only a couple make the cut. Some of them new and some of them [...]]]>

Tomorrow evening the wife and I leave for our honeymoon. Now you may be asking yourselves, “What kinds of toys does a sex educator/sex toy reviewer bring with them on their honeymoon?” Because you know I have a ton of them, but only a couple make the cut. Some of them new and some of them old favorites that go on every trip. The above picture is what I’m pretty sure I’ve decided on bringing. From left to right starting in the top row they are:

Trojan Supras: The first non-latex condom I ever started using that have remained an old standby. Once these have run out though I will probably be switching to the polyisoprene because they are cheaper. The feeling of the condoms don’t really matter that much to me since they are just used on dildos, but they have to be non-latex as I am allergic.

Frank: He’s a cyberskin dildo that I love giving blowjobs to. I use honey dust to keep him lifelike instead of cornstarch so that he tastes yummy.

Durex Avanti: Again, just a condom I had lying around.

Hitachi Magic Wand: Like this one should be a surprise to anyone. Shouldn’t you all own one of these by now? Seriously? Its the best. Nuff said.

Mr. Bendy/Silky: My second favorite dildo ever. This guy is made out of squishy elastomer and has a rod in the center that allows for a bendy good time. I use condoms with him because elastomer is porous, but its totally worth it. This is definitely my favorite strap-on dildo.

Orbit: One of the first dildos I reviewed back when I was just a Carnal Consultant for Early to Bed. Still one of my faves! Although if I decide that I have too many dildos on the trip either Orbit or Frank will get cut.

Feeldoe Slim: High quality double-sided dildo that no romantic vacation can do without. Can be used with or without a harness.

Ella by Lelo: By far my absolute favorite dildo. And I know what I’m talking about; I own 14! This dildo is the absolute best for g-spot. Leave it to Lelo to only make one dildo, but have it be absolutely amazing.

Middle row:

Thigh Harness: This is a newer toy of mine that I’m trying out for Babeland. We’ve given it a few goes, but feel that in order to review it properly it needs to come with me on our honeymoon. Look for that review coming up soon.

Colore Moi Strawberry Body Paint: Yummy painting! Strawberries and champagne anyone?

Gun Oil: High quality silicone lubricant for some hot hot shower sex.

Maximus: My favorite lube. This stuff is waterbased and has the consistency of hair gel. I was finally smart enough to get a travel bottle that wouldn’t get all over everything too!

Saturn: This is a small ridged waterproof vibe made out of a silky plastic. Super cheap and hopefully fun in the shower. Never used this one before, but picked it up special for my honeymoon.

Dirty Dice: Yes, I said Dirty Dice. Honeymoons are supposed to be for silly sex games damnit! And I’ve never played with these before so I thought they’d be a fun way to get into the play.

Buddy: A silicone butt plug that is a little on the smaller side, but not too small.

Tweezer Clamps: Because with all this sweetness there needed to be some pain …

Silky Blindfold: Because sometimes its better if they can’t see whats coming. Mwahahaha!

Bottom row:

Flower Balm: Another product sent to me to review. I’ve played with it a little bit and I can tell you this: The menthol definitely works on clits and lips! Look for an upcoming review after the honeymoon!

Heart Paddle: I don’t know if anyone carries this anymore, but its a great lightweight wooden paddle that makes a great loud SMACK noise without hurting TOO much.

Vibrating Makeup Brush: No, I don’t care about being discreet. Discreet vibes will not get me off. However, the vibrating brush is great for sensation play.

Non-latex Gloves: We are monogamous and therefore are definitely fluid bonded. However, I work in an office and get lots of papercuts. The pH of the vag being what it is, gloves often make things less stingy for me. Also, the lower amount of friction helps with my arthritis.

Vibe Harness: OMG I looked at this thing today when I pulled it out and I think it may be time for a new one. This thing is OLD!! We’re talking, before this relationship old. But its my wife’s favorite. Its like a part of her by now.

Oh just realized that in the top row is my Teneo Uno you just can’t see it. Taking that too.

So there you have it! Should be a fun honeymoon. See you all next week.

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This post, Toys for the Honeymoon, originally appeared on Ask Garnet on 10/28/2009. Click over to leave a comment or ask a question: Toys for the Honeymoon. Thanks for visiting!
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Working at a sex shop and trying to [...]]]> Since for some reason you people still aren’t sending me questions (all time high subscriber rate and yet no questions!?!?) I’m going to try something new here. I’d prefer to create reader-inspired content, but without that I had to come up with my own ideas for new stuff.

Working at a sex shop and trying to become a sex educator involves a lot of reading of sex ed books, watching of porn, using of toys, and in general trying to learn as much as possible. While I do this I am bound to come across great things and I’m bound to come across … well not so great things. So today I give you:

The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful (we don’t believe in ugly sex here)

The Good: I just finished watching an incredible porn that has won lots of awards and Violet Blue apparently has raved about. So maybe I’m a little behind the times and you all already know about it. But in case you don’t, you should really check out The Bi Apple. Here is a porn that has it all! We’re talking real attractive bodies, people of color, real bisexuality (not just women’s), real pleasure, good quality sex toys, strap-ons, male-male, male-female, female-female, and male-male-female sex. It also features some negotiation, which is pretty non-existent in mainstream porn. They are telling each other how they like it. One of the best pornos that I’ve seen and really the only one of its kind that I have seen thus far. Keeping in mind though that I didn’t have too much experience with porn videos before I started my job at Early to Bed.

And here is the trailer for The Bi Apple:

The Bad:

I read sex ed books quite often and a lot of the information is good, but sometimes I come across some misinformation. I would hate for people to see this and think that it is accurate so I want to share some misinformation I found recently.

I grew up on The Guide to Getting it On. My mom “hid” a copy of the first edition in the bookshelf for me when I was pretty young. She understood that I probably had a lot of questions about the how-to’s of sex that I would never ask her and she preferred I got that information from a reliable source instead of what the kids were saying on the playground. Go Sex Positive Mom! Well The Guide has been so popular that it is now more than twice its original size and is in its 5th edition. I read the 4th edition several years ago, but now reading the 5th edition and knowing so much more than I used to know I’m finding flaws. This book is VERY heterosexual and I feel like it doesn’t need to be.

I have a few other issues with it as well, but we’ll get right down to the nitty gritty of it here. The wonderful lube connoisseur, Metis Black of Tantus Silicone, told me that the chapter on lube was not very good so I kept her words in mind as I read through it. She was right; it isn’t very good. In fact at one point they give straight up misinformation. On page 108 the book states “Most silicone lubes are water-based, which means you can use them with latex condoms.” Yes, you can use silicone-based lubes with condoms but not because they are water-based. They aren’t water-based, they are silicone-based. Hence why they are called that. You can use silicone-based lubricants with condoms because they aren’t oil-based. Oil-based lubricants will deteriorate latex condoms.

Sometimes you will find hybrids out there that combine water-based and silicone-based lubes but that’s a different story entirely. Sliquid Silk is an example of this.

Even though The Guide has these flaws I still strongly recommend it to heterosexuals because it is very well written and has a lot of really great information in it.

The Beautiful:

Erotic Nature photos by David Steinberg are amazing. They feature real couples having real sex. I love looking into their faces and seeing the desire, the love, and the fun. He even has a section on sex and disability, which seems completely absent from a lot of other artists’ work.

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This post, The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful, originally appeared on Ask Garnet on 08/16/2008. Click over to leave a comment or ask a question: The Good, The Bad, and The Beautiful. Thanks for visiting!
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