Ass to Mouth

I was recently asked to weigh in on a debate happening on the message boards I hang out on. I’m the resident sexpert so there are times when I am definitely in need. The topic was Ass to Mouth (ATM) which specifically means when a guy fucks someone in the ass and then that person gives him a blowjob. They were specifically talking about seeing it in porn. I’ve never seen it in porn myself, but I think that’s because I tend to watch feminist/indie/queer porn.

This is what I wrote:

First of all, no one’s dick should be going in anyone’s ass without a condom. Even if you are both disease free and monogamous the guy can get some pretty nasty infections from barebacking. We’re talking urinary, bladder, and kidney infections here. So always wear a condom for ass sex please.

And if you’re wearing a condom for ass sex then ATM should never make a difference because you can just pull the condom off or switch condoms to blow him. Simple as pie.

If for some reason you decide to not follow my earlier advice and decide that a burning feeling while you piss might be a fun thing to try, then I would highly recommend that you do not stick your dick in anyone’s mouth after it’s been in an ass. You can get e-coli or hepatitis. Hell you can just get e-coli from rimming so what do you think it’s like if you’re basically licking 6 inches inside of someone’s ass?

Please have more respect for your sexual partners as well as sex workers. Sex workers are people too and the more you promote their safety (ie no ATM, safer sex practices, autonomy, etc.) the longer they’ll work and the happier they’ll be. I personally think it’s way hotter to watch pornstars who like fucking and enjoy every second of it instead of ones who are coerced into practices that are unsafe.

I understand that accidents happen and sometimes you’re in the moment and forget what you’re doing. But once you realize it, please stop and go wash up real quick before you keep going. It’s better to be happy, healthy, and safe.

Snotty Blowjob

After my talks in Arizona, audience members got a chance to speak with me one on one. They asked questions that they weren’t comfortable asking in front of a group, didn’t have time for, or just didn’t pertain to the subject matter. I love talking one on one with people, but the problem is that it doesn’t allow much time for me to think about my answers. And sometimes the answer just doesn’t come to you at that point in time. Sometimes you just need to let it stew and then randomly it will pop in your head a few days or weeks later. That is exactly what happened in this case and I’m hoping that couple started reading my blog so they can get the answer they’d hoped for.

The basic issue is that the female partner had a problem with her nose running while giving the male blowjobs. It happened every time she’d give him head. She would have to stop to blow her nose several times during each act. He did not mind, but it understandably drove her crazy.

At the time I suggested that she make sure she’s breathing through her nose from the very beginning instead of through her mouth. I also suggested blowing her nose before they started playing as well as taking a decongestant at least an hour ahead of time. All good suggestions.

But what I failed to ask was what position she was giving a blowjob in. Because if her head is facing downwards that will only help the flow of mucus. If they haven’t yet tried this, I would recommend having her sit on the couch or edge of a bed while he stands in front of her. This way her head will be level instead of pointing downward and may help to cease the snot flow.

So simple! And yet, that’s exactly why I didn’t think of it.

Fascinations and Arizona

I had a blast in Arizona. I want to thank Fascinations for taking great care of me while I was out there and just being super friendly and accommodating. I love the direction they’re heading. With Essin’Em at the helm of the sex positive education at Fascinations things are only looking up for them. She is really doing a great job at educating everyone who works there about healthy sexuality and sexual products. They still have a long way to go, but they’re on their way. It just goes to show that bigger corporations and chain stores can change their business model. They can become more ethical. Having several stores in different states as well as an online business does not mean you have to sell crappy products and I’m really happy that they’ve discovered that. They do still carry dangerous products in their stores, which is why I can’t actually fully recommend them yet, but they are working on educating their staff and customers so that they no longer want to buy those things.

Part of this process is having national sex educators come in to teach people about sex positivity. In no way did Fascinations try to hold me back at all from even recommending products to their customers that they don’t carry. The issue they’ve had in trying to carry the better products is that customers don’t know about them and part of the job of sex educators is to teach customers about great body healthy products so that they can ask for them by name and create a demand at the stores. For example, Astroglide and ID lubes fly off the shelves, but no one buys the Maximus or the Sliquid. The first class I taught at Fascinations I actually said that Maximus was my favorite lube (but not great for blowjobs) and told people why and they flew off the shelves. It’s all about teaching people about the right products. They want to know. They crave that knowledge. It’s unfortunate that it’s not readily available for them.

The good news is though that the employees of Fascinations are being educated. I do not know the history behind this exactly. I don’t know how long it has been going on. But I do know that it such a hugely important part of working at a shop that sells sexual products. The industry is unregulated by the FDA. There are so many dangerous products out there and we need people in the stores educating people about what they should and shouldn’t buy. As well as just being able to direct people towards products that are right for them.

I had a fantastic conversation with Fascinations creative director, Michael Ham, over dinner about how the industry is changing and how a lot of that has to do with all the hard work that the feminist sex shops have been putting out there. I love that. It’s taken us a long time, but I think we’re really starting to see change in the industry because of it. As sex toys become more of a normal part of people’s lives and less a part of the skeezy underbelly we will hopefully see more sex toy companies and stores regulating themselves. And one day maybe we’ll finally see the government recognize that it is an industry that needs to be regulated. In several states you can no longer make baby bottles with BPA or Phthalates, but you can still make sex toys with them and much scarier things because they are “for novelty use only.”

So thank you Fascinations for taking on this goal. I can’t wait for the day when I can add you to my sidebar as one of my favorite sex shops.

Thank you also to everyone who came out to my classes. I hope you all learned a lot and had as much fun as I did. People turned out in record numbers which is just awesome. I especially thank all of the people who came out on the first night who had to stand or sit on the floor for an hour and a half. A lot of people would have left, but you stuck through it to learn about something that was important to you. That’s awesome.

I met a lot of really great people and had some truly rewarding conversations. I hope we can meet again in the future and I also hope that you follow me on my career path. I plan on doing a lot of exciting things. This is only the beginning for me. I will continue to educate people and try to make the world a more sex positive place for everyone so that no one has to ever feel ashamed for what they enjoy doing for consensual pleasure.

And the great news is that Fascinations has said they would love to have me out again. So look forward to that. Although, I’ll probably be staying put in Chicago for the next 4 months while my wife finishes up her doctorate and finds a job that brings us elsewhere.

If you missed my Blowjobs 101 workshop you can see it here. It’s a bit pixelated so unfortunately you can’t see everything I’m doing or pointing to, but you can probably still learn a lot. And laugh a lot. I know when I watched it I was even laughing at my own stupid jokes. The first 10 minutes are totally awkward though because I was super nervous. But once I start getting into it that disappears.

Thank you all! You’re super awesome!

Arizona Tomorrow

Hey all,

Just a quick reminder that I will be in Arizona tomorrow and Friday teaching about blowjobs. If you’re in the area, I’d love it if you could make it out.

My first article for Ethical Pornographer on Pop My Cherry Review will also be going up Friday afternoon. In it I interview Bren Ryder of Good Dyke Porn. I will link to it when I get a chance.

Tristan Taormino's Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio

When I was about 18 years old I ordered two instructional tapes (these were VHS. Am I dating myself?) on pleasing your mate. One was how to please a man and the other was how to please a woman. I lived at home at the time, but luckily had a TV and VCR in my bedroom. So I was all set to learn all I could … or so I thought. The first disappointment was that they shipped two pleasing men tapes, but I was too shy to contact the company for an exchange. Oh how I have changed. The second disappointment was the tape itself. It was horrid. Granted, to my 18 year old brain I did not know just how bad it was. They suggested things like slathering his dick in marshmallow fluff and then licking and sucking it all off. Yeah, that’s not going to get absolutely disgusting really fast. Another suggestion was cutting a hole out of a large warm tomato and fucking him with it. This isn’t an awful idea, but it’s not a great one either. It’s as if they were getting their tips straight from Cosmo.

Oh how things have changed! Tristan Taormino is on the scene and she gives super helpful advice in a totally hot format. Her Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio is everything that that old tape was not. If only my 18 year old self had had access to her instructional style I would have been much less shy about giving blowjobs. Granted I probably would have started with the regular fellatio DVD, not the advanced one. And I highly suggest you start with that one if you haven’t developed your blowjob style. Luckily, I figured out how to give blowjobs despite that awful tape and was very ready for the advanced version.

The DVD starts with the workshop portion which lasts about 53 minutes. This is where Tristan Taormino goes over the male anatomy; talks about what makes a great blowjob; goes over the different advanced positions – sword swallower, standing 69,and  reverse 69 – which are mostly for the athletic flexible types; how to successfully deep throat;  gagging and face fucking; playing with his balls, perineum, and ass; and different blowjob styles -sensual, sloppy, submissive, and aggressive . In between gems of knowledge, porn stars also talk about what they love about giving or receiving blowjobs which helps add to the discussion. But all that would be horribly boring if we didn’t also have blowjob demos going on with the explanations. For everything that Tristan talks about, there is a corresponding scene to show us how to do it.

Whether it’s Standing 69:

or reverse 69:

And even better, there are cameras in the hands of both the behind the set people AND the male porn stars. You get point of view blowjobs and views from a bit more of a distance so you can see all the angles.

After the workshop portion we see all 3 scenes in their entirety. And the truth of the matter is that after 53 minutes of blowjobs I couldn’t handle anymore. That’s seriously a lot of blowjobs. But that is the point of this DVD so I hardly fault anyone for it. By the end of it you will definitely have more of an idea about how to spice up your blowjobs even if you can’t bend over backwards.

A few days later after I could handle blowjobs I came back to the DVD. The first scene is between Christian and Charley Chase. This is the sloppiest wettest blowjob I’ve ever seen. Saliva, you see, is a great thing to have during a blowjob. That being said, the workshop portion gave me my fill of this bj and I had to fastforward through the full scene. All that slobber and sucky smacky gaggy noises were starting to make me feel sick. It’s just not my cup of tea. I like a good slobbery bj just as much as the next cock lover, but this kinda grossed me out. There were giant spit bubbles and wads of spit on tits, faces, thighs, and dripping onto the floor. This is just a personal preference and you should not let it keep you from giving or getting the sloppiest bj imaginable.

The second scene features Adrianna Nicole and Evan Stone. This has been the least noticeable role for Evan Stone in the history of his entire career. He could be anyone! In fact, for parts of it he was just a disembodied cock that Adrianna was sucking on. And let me tell ya, Adrianna sucks cock like a champ. I think the woman has no gag reflex left. Thankfully she also uses a bit less saliva. No, the only things that were distracting to this hot blowjob were Evan’s dirty feet, the music that just didn’t seem to fit, and the extreme closeups that plague this DVD (I mean really if I can’t actually tell what is going on you’re too damn close!).

The scene doesn’t just contain a bj either! Yay! There’s also some pleasure for Adrianna’s genitals as well. She gets fingered, there’s the reverse 69, and there’s some fucking at the end.

And as usual, Tristan saves the best scene for last: Satine Phoenix sucking and deep throating Danny Wylde’s uncircumcised cock. It is no secret that I adore Satine Phoenix. I think she is one of the most sensual porn stars around. It doesn’t hurt that she’s also a curvy latina with big lips and eyes. After I watched this DVD I have to say that the saddest thing about her quitting porn is that this is the only time her and Danny Wylde work together. Because seriously, this is one of the hottest scenes I’ve ever seen. Ever.

So what makes this scene so extremely hot? Well, besides Satine’s amazing hotness that is? First of all, Danny actually shows his enjoyment. While a lot of male porn stars, and men in general, are all stoic and quiet in their lovemaking, Danny lets it all out. He shows you he is enjoying it. Let this be a lesson to you dudes: making noise and admitting that you’re having fun when you’re having sex is sexy. I once dated a guy who wouldn’t make any noise or even breathe when he was cumming. His face would turn purple and his veins popped out. I was afraid his head was going to explode. I had to teach him to let it out.

Second, both Satine and Danny are really into fucking each other. There is unmistakable chemistry here. The eye contact is intense and you can feel the energy between them.

But mostly, I could easily put myself in the place of Satine. I’ve been there before! The kind of intense fucking where you feel like you couldn’t live without his cock inside of you a second more. Every time Danny’s dick slips out of Satine she whimpers at the loss. And yet when he is fucking her it is almost so intense that she can’t handle it. This scene is going to be in my permanent wank rotation. If you don’t watch anything else in this movie, please watch this scene. That’s why they have VOD so you can watch just one scene easily and don’t have to pay for the whole thing.

Overall: This DVD is fantastic for learning advanced blowjob techniques. This is definitely not for those who have not mastered the basic blowjob though. If you’re feeling confident with your skills, but want to know how to step it up a notch this is definitely the movie for you. If you want to just watch porn and you love watching blowjobs you will think this is the best porno ever. If you just want to watch porn, but want something besides blowjobs you should probably skip this flick except for checking out the last scene with Danny and Satine.

Technical Stuff: Shot in Hi-Def. The music does not match the sex and is a little distracting and sometimes the camera gets a little to up in the action to the point where you can’t really tell what is going on. But overall, the technical stuff is all pretty good. Lighting is well done and sound is fantastic. You can hear what everyone says and the screams are not deafening.

Contest: If you’d like to own a copy of this DVD, but don’t want to buy it I have great news for you! I have an extra copy that I want to give you. There are two ways to enter. You can leave a comment on this post and/or you can tweet about it once per day. Make sure that your profile is public and that you put @garnetjoyce and a link to the contest in the tweet otherwise it won’t count. Example: Win an advanced BJ DVD from @garnetjoyce! Rules: http://vb.ly/266o. Contest ends at midnight CST on April 15th.

Otherwise you can order the DVD straight from Tristan here or watch it instantly on HotMoviesForHer.com.

Eating Her Out

This was asked in a comment for the blowjobs tips post:

Any chance of giving us poor guys (and maybe some girls) a heads up on how to return the favour? I love to go down on my wife, and she enjoys it but the more tips the better.

For instance – I heard about this way of giving her oral on her vulva but avoiding touching her clitoris until she is on the brink. Then go for the clitoris and she will cum really hard. But I don’t know the name or the actual technique.

Other ideas would be most welcome.

Instead of giving detailed options for going down on your lady friend, I am going to do a quick and dirty guide in just a few paragraphs like I did with the blowjob one. This is just a starting point, not an end all be all. If you want more involved tips there are books and workshops for that. I couldn’t possibly contain it all in one blog post. I highly recommend Ian Kerner’s She Comes First. And as usual, keep in mind that everyone is different so these things may not work for everyone.

Number one thing you can do wrong when going down on a woman: Head straight for her clit. Most women need a good amount of warm up time and some women don’t even like it if you give direct clitoral stimulation at all. Its just too intense.

So tease. Tease her like she’s never going to feel your tongue on her clit ever. Tease her until she begs for it and then tease her a little more. Tease her until she feels like she’s going to cry from the frustration. Because when you hold out and tease her for that long, your tongue is going to feel absolutely amazing when you finally get there. Kiss, lick, and stroke everywhere except her vulva. Kiss her neck, nibble on her ears, pinch her nipples, lick your way up and down her thighs and across her belly. When you pass her vulva let your hot breathe linger on it for a moment before you continue on.

When you finally do get to her vulva lick, suck, nibble, and even tug (if she likes it) a little on her outer labia. Then lick a little bit of her inner labia. Avoid her clit because that is where she wants so badly it hurts. After spending several minutes getting so close to her vulva she almost drives your head towards it – and she really might try to do this – give her one or two little tiny flicks of your tongue so she knows that her clit is finally in the picture. Be not surprised if a gasp is released from her mouth.

After the small lick or two move on to big ice cream licks. Lick her from her perineum to the top of her clit hood with a long wet flat tongue. Do this a couple times and use it as a way to break up the shorter tongue flicks that will come later so you can give yourself a rest.

Now this is where most women vary. I can’t give you the right or wrong ways to lick a clit. All I can do is tell you that you have to try different things to see what works for your partner. Try side licks, angled licks, up and down licks, sucking, fast licks, slow licks, pointy tongue licks, soft tongue licks. Just make sure your licks are rhythmic Get feedback from her. And unless she’s about to cum, keep variations going so neither of you get bored. Of course some people just want the same licking style over and over and I’m not one to say they shouldn’t. Either ask or experiment with figuring out whether or not she likes direct clitoral stimulation or if you should only stimulate her through the clitoral hood.

She may want a finger or two or more in her vagina while you do this. Ask her or wait for her to invite you in. Usually making a come hither motion with your fingers works best. Not all women want penetration. Some may want you to play with their breasts, stroke their thighs, etc. Whatever the lady wants, the lady shall receive.

And then just hold on for the ride. And what a ride it can be. I once cracked someone’s jaw!

Side note: It never hurts to put a towel under your female friend’s bottom before the goings on happen. Just sayin … unless you want to lay in the wet spot later. Secret: that’s how our couch got stained. Oops!