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Just a quick reminder that I will be in Arizona tomorrow and Friday teaching about blowjobs. If you’re in the area, I’d love it if you could make it out. My first article for Ethical Pornographer on Pop My Cherry Review will also be going up Friday afternoon. In it I interview Bren Ryder of Good Dyke Porn. I will link to it when I get a chance.
April 21st, 2010 | Share:
Oh how things have changed! Tristan Taormino is on the scene and she gives super helpful advice in a totally hot format. Her Expert Guide to Advanced Fellatio is everything that that old tape was not. If only my 18 year old self had had access to her instructional style I would have been much less shy about giving blowjobs. Granted I probably would have started with the regular fellatio DVD, not the advanced one. And I highly suggest you start with that one if you haven’t developed your blowjob style. Luckily, I figured out how to give blowjobs despite that awful tape and was very ready for the advanced version. The DVD starts with the workshop portion which lasts about 53 minutes. This is where Tristan Taormino goes over the male anatomy; talks about what makes a great blowjob; goes over the different advanced positions – sword swallower, standing 69,and reverse 69 – which are mostly for the athletic flexible types; how to successfully deep throat; gagging and face fucking; playing with his balls, perineum, and ass; and different blowjob styles -sensual, sloppy, submissive, and aggressive . In between gems of knowledge, porn stars also talk about what they love about giving or receiving blowjobs which helps add to the discussion. But all that would be horribly boring if we didn’t also have blowjob demos going on with the explanations. For everything that Tristan talks about, there is a corresponding scene to show us how to do it. Whether it’s Standing 69:
or reverse 69:
And even better, there are cameras in the hands of both the behind the set people AND the male porn stars. You get point of view blowjobs and views from a bit more of a distance so you can see all the angles.
After the workshop portion we see all 3 scenes in their entirety. And the truth of the matter is that after 53 minutes of blowjobs I couldn’t handle anymore. That’s seriously a lot of blowjobs. But that is the point of this DVD so I hardly fault anyone for it. By the end of it you will definitely have more of an idea about how to spice up your blowjobs even if you can’t bend over backwards. A few days later after I could handle blowjobs I came back to the DVD. The first scene is between Christian and Charley Chase. This is the sloppiest wettest blowjob I’ve ever seen. Saliva, you see, is a great thing to have during a blowjob. That being said, the workshop portion gave me my fill of this bj and I had to fastforward through the full scene. All that slobber and sucky smacky gaggy noises were starting to make me feel sick. It’s just not my cup of tea. I like a good slobbery bj just as much as the next cock lover, but this kinda grossed me out. There were giant spit bubbles and wads of spit on tits, faces, thighs, and dripping onto the floor. This is just a personal preference and you should not let it keep you from giving or getting the sloppiest bj imaginable.
The second scene features Adrianna Nicole and Evan Stone. This has been the least noticeable role for Evan Stone in the history of his entire career. He could be anyone! In fact, for parts of it he was just a disembodied cock that Adrianna was sucking on. And let me tell ya, Adrianna sucks cock like a champ. I think the woman has no gag reflex left. Thankfully she also uses a bit less saliva. No, the only things that were distracting to this hot blowjob were Evan’s dirty feet, the music that just didn’t seem to fit, and the extreme closeups that plague this DVD (I mean really if I can’t actually tell what is going on you’re too damn close!). The scene doesn’t just contain a bj either! Yay! There’s also some pleasure for Adrianna’s genitals as well. She gets fingered, there’s the reverse 69, and there’s some fucking at the end.
And as usual, Tristan saves the best scene for last: Satine Phoenix sucking and deep throating Danny Wylde’s uncircumcised cock. It is no secret that I adore Satine Phoenix. I think she is one of the most sensual porn stars around. It doesn’t hurt that she’s also a curvy latina with big lips and eyes. After I watched this DVD I have to say that the saddest thing about her quitting porn is that this is the only time her and Danny Wylde work together. Because seriously, this is one of the hottest scenes I’ve ever seen. Ever. So what makes this scene so extremely hot? Well, besides Satine’s amazing hotness that is? First of all, Danny actually shows his enjoyment. While a lot of male porn stars, and men in general, are all stoic and quiet in their lovemaking, Danny lets it all out. He shows you he is enjoying it. Let this be a lesson to you dudes: making noise and admitting that you’re having fun when you’re having sex is sexy. I once dated a guy who wouldn’t make any noise or even breathe when he was cumming. His face would turn purple and his veins popped out. I was afraid his head was going to explode. I had to teach him to let it out. Second, both Satine and Danny are really into fucking each other. There is unmistakable chemistry here. The eye contact is intense and you can feel the energy between them.
But mostly, I could easily put myself in the place of Satine. I’ve been there before! The kind of intense fucking where you feel like you couldn’t live without his cock inside of you a second more. Every time Danny’s dick slips out of Satine she whimpers at the loss. And yet when he is fucking her it is almost so intense that she can’t handle it. This scene is going to be in my permanent wank rotation. If you don’t watch anything else in this movie, please watch this scene. That’s why they have VOD so you can watch just one scene easily and don’t have to pay for the whole thing. Overall: This DVD is fantastic for learning advanced blowjob techniques. This is definitely not for those who have not mastered the basic blowjob though. If you’re feeling confident with your skills, but want to know how to step it up a notch this is definitely the movie for you. If you want to just watch porn and you love watching blowjobs you will think this is the best porno ever. If you just want to watch porn, but want something besides blowjobs you should probably skip this flick except for checking out the last scene with Danny and Satine. Technical Stuff: Shot in Hi-Def. The music does not match the sex and is a little distracting and sometimes the camera gets a little to up in the action to the point where you can’t really tell what is going on. But overall, the technical stuff is all pretty good. Lighting is well done and sound is fantastic. You can hear what everyone says and the screams are not deafening. Contest: If you’d like to own a copy of this DVD, but don’t want to buy it I have great news for you! I have an extra copy that I want to give you. There are two ways to enter. You can leave a comment on this post and/or you can tweet about it once per day. Make sure that your profile is public and that you put @garnetjoyce and a link to the contest in the tweet otherwise it won’t count. Example: Win an advanced BJ DVD from @garnetjoyce! Rules: http://vb.ly/266o. Contest ends at midnight CST on April 15th. Otherwise you can order the DVD straight from Tristan here or watch it instantly on HotMoviesForHer.com.
This was asked in a comment for the blowjobs tips post: Any chance of giving us poor guys (and maybe some girls) a heads up on how to return the favour? I love to go down on my wife, and she enjoys it but the more tips the better. For instance – I heard about this way of giving her oral on her vulva but avoiding touching her clitoris until she is on the brink. Then go for the clitoris and she will cum really hard. But I don’t know the name or the actual technique. Other ideas would be most welcome. Instead of giving detailed options for going down on your lady friend, I am going to do a quick and dirty guide in just a few paragraphs like I did with the blowjob one. This is just a starting point, not an end all be all. If you want more involved tips there are books and workshops for that. I couldn’t possibly contain it all in one blog post. I highly recommend Ian Kerner’s She Comes First. And as usual, keep in mind that everyone is different so these things may not work for everyone. Number one thing you can do wrong when going down on a woman: Head straight for her clit. Most women need a good amount of warm up time and some women don’t even like it if you give direct clitoral stimulation at all. Its just too intense. So tease. Tease her like she’s never going to feel your tongue on her clit ever. Tease her until she begs for it and then tease her a little more. Tease her until she feels like she’s going to cry from the frustration. Because when you hold out and tease her for that long, your tongue is going to feel absolutely amazing when you finally get there. Kiss, lick, and stroke everywhere except her vulva. Kiss her neck, nibble on her ears, pinch her nipples, lick your way up and down her thighs and across her belly. When you pass her vulva let your hot breathe linger on it for a moment before you continue on. When you finally do get to her vulva lick, suck, nibble, and even tug (if she likes it) a little on her outer labia. Then lick a little bit of her inner labia. Avoid her clit because that is where she wants so badly it hurts. After spending several minutes getting so close to her vulva she almost drives your head towards it – and she really might try to do this – give her one or two little tiny flicks of your tongue so she knows that her clit is finally in the picture. Be not surprised if a gasp is released from her mouth. After the small lick or two move on to big ice cream licks. Lick her from her perineum to the top of her clit hood with a long wet flat tongue. Do this a couple times and use it as a way to break up the shorter tongue flicks that will come later so you can give yourself a rest. Now this is where most women vary. I can’t give you the right or wrong ways to lick a clit. All I can do is tell you that you have to try different things to see what works for your partner. Try side licks, angled licks, up and down licks, sucking, fast licks, slow licks, pointy tongue licks, soft tongue licks. Just make sure your licks are rhythmic Get feedback from her. And unless she’s about to cum, keep variations going so neither of you get bored. Of course some people just want the same licking style over and over and I’m not one to say they shouldn’t. Either ask or experiment with figuring out whether or not she likes direct clitoral stimulation or if you should only stimulate her through the clitoral hood. She may want a finger or two or more in her vagina while you do this. Ask her or wait for her to invite you in. Usually making a come hither motion with your fingers works best. Not all women want penetration. Some may want you to play with their breasts, stroke their thighs, etc. Whatever the lady wants, the lady shall receive. And then just hold on for the ride. And what a ride it can be. I once cracked someone’s jaw! Side note: It never hurts to put a towel under your female friend’s bottom before the goings on happen. Just sayin … unless you want to lay in the wet spot later. Secret: that’s how our couch got stained. Oops!
And maybe it was because I had such extremely low expectations for this toy that I actually ended up loving it. Its not perfect and it doesn’t really feel like oral sex, but I really, really like it! It has not been able to get me to orgasm and I doubt that it will ever will. My clit needs a jackhammer. But it is a great warmup. The sensations that it creates actually arouse me in ways that a vibrator just can’t do. It feels like a more natural warm up than just sticking a Hitachi between my legs and going from 0 to 60 in 10 minutes or less. It makes me coo! So this is how it all went down: I received the Sqweel in the mail, opened the package, and made fun of it. I then actually started feeling the pink silicone tongues and getting a little excited. For some reason I had expected the tongues to be more hard and rigid instead of the soft supple silicone that they were. The toy was a bit smaller than I had expected as well. It fit in the palm of my hand easily, which is saying a lot since I have the hands of a 5 year old. I probably would have tried it right then and there except that it took AAA batteries and I only had AA’s in the house. It would have to wait. A couple days went by and each time I’d pass the Sqweel waiting for me in the kitchen (what? You don’t keep your new toys on the kitchen table?) I’d look at it longingly. I was surprised by how much I wanted to try it, but still figured it probably wouldn’t feel all that great. I finally picked up a pack of batteries at the store and went to work cleaning the Sqweel. The makers of this toy really thought this through! It is extremely easy to open the plastic clamshell and pop the pieces out for easy cleaning. It will never be exceedingly easy to clean so many silicone tongues, but they made it so it wasn’t extremely difficult. I imagine lesser companies would’ve made it so you couldn’t open the container, but had to turn the wheel to clean each tongue one by one. And forget about any gunk that might form on the inside. Thankfully this is not the case with the Sqweel. I then took it to the bedroom with the little sample packet of Sliquid Organics lube that was provided in the box and proceeded to get under the covers with my wife who was extremely interested in how this test was going to turn out. I turned the toy on to the low setting and slowly squeezed lube out onto the tongues so they would all get covered. I then put a little lube on myself. If you don’t like being lubey then this toy is really not for you because you really need to get it nice and slick for it to feel good. I spread my outer labia a bit so that I could get the toy right up on my clit and went to town. I tried the 3 different speeds and I tried different angling of the toy. The first speed really doesn’t do much for me as its too slow and stops too easily when pressed up against. I definitely enjoyed the medium and highest speed although if you press it into yourself these speeds will also stop. But remember ladies this is not a vibrator! Pressing it hard into yourself is just going to stop the motion, not make the sensation go deeper. I found my favorites were to have the toy at a slight angle so that the tongues went in a diagonal line across my clit or to have the top of the clamshell resting on my mons (the fleshy mound above my vulva). If you get one of these babies I definitely suggest you play around and find what works best for you. The only complaint I had about it at this point was that the lube and toy were cold and they’re not going to warm up when just lapping at my clit. In the winter this totally sucks. I wish there was a way to easily and safely warm up the lube and keep it warm throughout the experience. The whole time I was playing with it I was cooing and talking about how surprised I was that I liked this toy this much. My wife just had to try it herself. So she gave it a go. As you may have seen me tweet, she said “It feels like its punching my clit, but in a good way.” She enjoyed the sensation quite a bit as well, but said she would’ve liked it to have more power. In the end it just left her wanting more. Really, it was the same for me as well, but that wasn’t a negative point for me like it was for her. The Hitachi was then broken out for finishing the job that the Sqweel had started. Trial #2 had me sitting in my office chair while I watched Frisk Me on my computer (OMG the hotness that is Satine Phoenix and Syd Blakovich). The Sqweel really didn’t work out at all for this type of masturbation. I thought it would be great to have that slow build while I watched porn, after all I’m in it for the long haul, not the quickie. But it turns out that it is extremely difficult to use the Sqweel while sitting upright. The issue is that it is too difficult to spread my labia so that the toy can get to my clit. Even while reclining slightly I found it very difficult. The only way that it worked was with one foot up on my desk, which was difficult. I’m sure it would be easier in the summer when I can just hang out pantsless with my feet spread on either side of my desk, but in the winter it is no small feat to keep my Slanket on and do this at the same time. Yes, I have a Slanket, shut up. Its wicked better than the Snuggie, but I don’t think either really lend themselves to masturbation. So trial #2 was a fail, but I am not giving up on this toy because, as I already said, I really, really like it. I have a feeling that this toy is actually going to be one I use often and not just try out for a review and then toss into my big pile of unused sex toys in my bottom dresser drawer. Some things to keep in mind with this toy:
If you’re interested in buying a Sqweel you can get it here. I love seeing how people get to my site. And sometimes they inadvertently find my site by asking a question I never answer here. That makes me sad :( So in the interest of getting people’s questions answered I will respond to questions I see people googling to get here. Can oral sex bleach beards? No, no it cannot. Unless your sweetie is bleaching their pubes at the time, but that sounds lethal. You might want to call poison control. This was recently asked on the message boards of a site I hang out on by a person who is super awesome and near and dear to my heart. I responded there, but I decided I’d post my response here as well since amazingly enough, after 2+ years I don’t have a single post on how to give a blowjob on this blog. I’m queer, mostly dating genderqueer ‘girls’/bois/trans, etc, but I will date born-men, too. It’s just been less common. Since my last break up I’ve been on a man-bender, but oral sex is kinda personal…I haven’t been with that many dudes and it’s been years since I’ve given a blowjob on anything more than a dildo where it’s the same in many ways, but different. So tips for giving head! I know you have ‘em. …no teeth is a given, I’m not daft Enthusiasm is key. You have to actually enjoy doing it and want to do it. That always makes things hotter. Take time to look him in the eye and moan while you’re sucking him off. Start off a bit slow. Don’t go right into the sucking. Lick and stroke his cock, getting it nice and slippery. Use both hands and your mouth. Get everything into the action! Stroke his cock with one (lubed or saliva’d) hand like you’re following the stripes on a barber pole, follow that hand with your mouth, and use the other one to play with his balls, perineum, and ass if he’s willing. While you’re doing this pay special attention to his frenulum, which is on the underside of the head of the penis. This is one of the most sensitive areas on most men. To make it even more fun you can straddle his thigh while he lays on his back so that you can grind your cunt into his leg. Breasts brushing against body parts can also help. Really blow jobs are a whole body activity, but many women are only using their mouths. Also, don’t worry about slobbering. The more slobber the better. And most men seem to enjoy the slurpy noises that go along with it. Keep in mind that these instructions are a jumping off point. Ultimately the most important part of pleasing your partner is paying attention. You have to pay attention to the way they react to you and what you’re doing. Ask questions, experiment, and have fun. Everyone is different and that’s what makes sex interesting. (This question was originally asked by a cis-female, but the answer can be adapted to other genders as well. Rub whatever body parts your partner finds to be sexy on their body. Um … not including your eyes … unless you’re both into that …) |
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Under 18? Get your sex-ed at Scarleteen instead. ----------------------------- 
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Hey all,
Go!