You should subscribe to the RSS feed. Have a question? Ask me anything.Thanks for visiting! This drives me crazy. There is this perception that feminists are haters of men. This just isn’t true. Sure, some feminists hate men but so do people who don’t identify as feminists. There is no real correlation here.
But what makes it worse is when people who identify as feminists say they’re feminists, but don’t hate men. Celebrities, average people, and even feminist bloggers are guilty of this. When you say “I’m a feminist, but I don’t hate men” you help to feed the assumption that most feminists do hate men. The same could be true if you say “I’m a feminist, but I’m not a lesbian” or “I’m a feminist, but I shave my legs” or “I’m a feminist, but I still like to wear dresses.” Although, the bigger problem with all of those is the idea that the opposite is undesirable and somehow bad. These are all the things that the oppressive majority uses to keep feminism, and women in general, down. Nothing shuts down an argument quicker than completely dismissing someone because they are an ugly, fat, hairy lesbian. Because apparently if you are those things then you do not deserve to have an opinion.
But what they’re really saying is that you have these opinions because no man would want you anyway and here is where we get to the root of the problem with sexism. If you want a mate you have to appeal to men (lesbians and queer women are supposed to appeal to men as well) and apparently if you appeal to men then you have no desire to be a feminist. Because all your dreams are fulfilled in getting married and having your man’s babies? I’m not really sure how all of that works. This is quite possibly the case because I’ve always been a strong feminist woman who does not back down. The mates I have had were interested in me because of these qualities, not despite them. And believe it or not, I’ve had way more male mates than female.
And this brings us full circle. Feminists don’t hate men, they hate the culture of male dominance. This is a big distinction that the mainstream doesn’t seem to understand.
So please, for the love of all things equal, stop saying “I’m a feminist, but …”
I always see people threatening that if people don’t start paying for porn that it will be the end of porn. This just isn’t true and in fact makes no sense at all. There has always been porn and there always will be porn. Nothing is changing there.
Porn has always been on the cutting edge of technology. It has often been what drives technology forward. Look at VHS/DVD and the internet. And porn has to continue to be on the cutting edge in order to survive. Now is no different. Porn isn’t going away, but the porn that they’re talking about may just go away. Many large adult empires are clinging on to the way that they’ve done business for years. They don’t realize that the world is changing and they need to change along with it. It’s that particular business model of porn that is doing poorly. There are many newer companies that are thriving.
I’m not saying that I know the answers. I’m not on the cutting edge of pornography. But there are obviously answers out there. You can’t force people to pay for something that they can get for free. It’s just not going to happen. And no amount of protections you put on your product will make it so that people can’t share it. So really, that angle needs to stop. It didn’t do anything for the music industry and it’s not going to do anything for you.
It’s time to go back to the drawing board.
 Today is my wife’s birthday and because our lives are so hectic right now and we’re trying to save money we’ve forgone the bday presents this year. So I thought that instead of buying her something I would write her a love letter. If you’re here for the sex advice skip this entry, but if you like reading about people in love or are just interested in us as people, feel free to read on.
To my wife
I love you so much. We have experienced so much together over the past four years. We met, we fucked, we became good friends, and eventually we admitted our feelings for one another. Once the feelings were released it all went pretty fast. We fell in love, moved in together, got engaged, and married. Not every moment in our lives has been perfect, but I could not have picked a more perfect partner to share my life with. In some ways we are the same person and in others we are polar opposites, but that is what keeps life interesting. But even though we don’t always understand each other, we always try to and that is what is more important.
You are my snuggle monster, my carrier of heavy things, my 1 day of relief from cooking dinner- even though you hate to cook, my provider of warmth or cold depending on what is needed, my pedicurist, my tailor, my therapist, my sounding board, my protector, my Russian nesting doll of crazy, my proofreader, my cheerleader, my toughguy butch who is really just a squishy soft warm loving person on the inside, and so much more. You always strive to make my life easier, more comfortable, and happier and you have made my life richer in so many ways.
Every day I am surprised that I was able to land such a funny, intelligent, interesting, person who shares so many of my values in life. I am so proud of you and your accomplishments. You are going to do great things in life and I’m really looking forward to being able to see them firsthand.
The past four years have been amazing and I cannot wait to see what the next four years bring. I am really looking forward to the next chapter in our life. I cannot wait to embark upon this next adventure with you.
I love you honey. Happy Birthday.
Also, there will be a special birthday dinner :)
Late last week John “Buttman” Stagliano’s case was dismissed from court for not enough evidence. This is a great relief for the porn community and should be a relief for all really.
Stagliano was charged with obscenity and was facing up to 32 years in prison and $7 million in fines. Many compared this to the sentence handed to Oscar Grant’s murderer who received just 14 years in jail for a crime witnessed around the world .
The obscenity in question featured 3 movies which had such apparently depraved things as female ejaculation (I’ve seen urination cited as one of the violations and I wonder if this is what they are referring to or if there is also urination), milk enemas, ass sex, foot fetish, BDSM, and puppy play. All of the players in the movies were consenting adults. All of the people who would be viewing the movies would also be consenting adults as long as there was no coercion by outside sources having nothing to do with the films themselves or Stagliano. How exactly is this worse than shooting someone? Even if the content of the videos is not something that turns you on, why should it be charged as obscene and the creator thrown in jail with hefty fines? The same could happen for the creator of something that does turn you on. It’s a slippery slope.
Thankfully Stagliano has been let go. But I must worry for other such pornographers who push the envelope. The envelope that is sometimes not even all that far outside of the norm. For example, did you know that fisting is considered to be obscene and distributors will not let it appear in DVD format? Fisting is an incredibly common act in the queer community and something that ends up getting cut from a lot of films where queer actors are told to have the kind of sex that they love to have. And is female ejaculation really pushing the envelope? Many women do it. It’s not even something that a lot of women do by choice. It is a natural reaction to their orgasms. How exactly is that any more obscene then men ejaculating?
I do hope that this sets some sort of precedent, but I worry that it won’t because the case was thrown out for insufficient evidence. Had Stagliano been judged not guilty then the precedent could have been set and it would have been more difficult to convict pornographers after this. Although I am curious how much evidence is needed when prosecutors had an entire video catalogue to choose from.
Obscenity laws are supposedly meant to protect people, but I have to wonder who they think they are protecting. If anything, the adult industry needs to stop being shamed all the time and there needs to be more of a focus on enhancing the working environments for sex workers. But that’s another argument for another day, one I’m always making.
There is this woman who comes into Early to Bed. She isn’t really a regular like the ones who come into the shop so often that they always need to ask what’s new. In fact, it took me awhile to recognize her as coming in a few times, but she is one of my favorite customers.
At first I misjudged her. I try not to be judgmental, but I do that kind of self-defense judgment of people where I’m always on the lookout for people who may be offensive or judgmental themselves. So if you look like you belong in a frat I will probably assume you’re a beer drinking douchebag until you prove me otherwise. I never said I was perfect.
So at first I misjudged her. The first several times she came in her hair was blonde, now it is brunette. She used to look like a sorority girl and with that slight southern accent of hers and her classic good looks I thought she would be a giggly girl with not much knowledge of the sexual world. It is people like her that remind me that I should not judge others.
It took me a few times to recognize her. All I realized about her the first few times is that she looked familiar. It probably took til the 3rd or 4th time of her coming in for me to remember that she is incredibly awesome. She is so open about her’s and other’s sexuality. She does not judge. She is extremely curious about experiences outside of her own, but not in an othering way. She just genuinely is interested in people. And she’s nice. She’s so nice.
This past weekend she came into the store with a man. Apparently this man had some history at the shop as well, but I do not ever remember seeing him previously. But you knew he had to be an incredible guy once you found out that he was married to her. This intelligent sweet woman. And he did not let me down.
They both wandered around the store sometimes talking to each other, sometimes talking to me and my coworker. Always having such engaging conversations about things they enjoyed, but never getting too personal as some customers seem to do. It was always light and fun. He enjoys ass play. They love watching queer porn. They want to see more real couples in porn. They read erotica together. He is extremely interested in any sort of theatrical works and therefore must watch The Curse of MacBeth.
Both of them so comfortable in their sexuality. Both of them in what appeared to be an egalitarian loving relationship.
As they left the store both my coworker and I found that we had smiles on our face. We decided that they should win the best couple award if there was one.
So y’all know I’m moving. Turns out it’s damn stressful to move across the country! I’ve moved many many times before, but it’s usually in the same city. The only times I’ve moved long distances were when there wasn’t much to move. So this is kinda crazy. If you follow me on twitter you’ve heard my bitching.
So the move is about 6 weeks away and I’m just researching things like crazy, but nothing is as good as advice from others. Anyone do a cross country move before? What did you do to make it easier/cut costs?
As of right now it looks like we will have our stuff driven in a container on a truck with a bunch of other people’s stuff. It seems to be the cheapest and easiest route. However, with 15 different moving companies contacting me all the time I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed. In fact, I thought I’d finally found a company that looked really awesome to then realize that they only do moves that originate in California, not the other way around. I’ve researched the other 15 companies with the BBB and I’ve narrowed it down to 6 which is still too many. So who have you used? What was your experience?
Also, anyone in the SF Bay Area know of any jobs in sex education/outreach/PR? I’m looking for work out there and while Craigslist is helpful, networking is always better. Please put in a good word for me/point me in the right direction.
Thanks all! I’m going to finish this here mudslide in hopes that it will take some of the edge off …
|
-----------------------------
Under 18? Get your sex-ed at Scarleteen instead.
-----------------------------
|
