You should subscribe to the RSS feed. Have a question? Ask me anything.Thanks for visiting! In all the discussions about STI’s (Sexually Transmitted Infections) you always hear the same old stuff about the same old infections. Sure, every so often a new one gets thrown into the mix, but then you hear about that one along with the rest of them all the time. Herpes, HIV, HPV/genital warts, Gonorrhea, Syphilis, Chlamydia, Crabs, and Hepatitis all get their moment in the sun. You hear about them in sex ed, read about them in books and in the media, and hear about them in day to day conversation. But there are other STIs that you do not hear about and may not even know anything about.
One such STI is Molluscum contagiosum (MC). Surprising you don’t hear about it considering how contagious it is (did you not get that from the second part of its name?). MC is a viral infection spread through skin to skin contact or via shared items like towels. It’s most prevalent in the immunodeficient (like HIV+, transplant patients, the elderly, etc.), children – which lets face it, their immune systems kind of suck too-, and sexually active adults.
MC forms lesions on the skin which often look like pimples or ingrown hairs to the untrained eye. They are shiny red or skin-colored bumps with a little dimple in the center filled with a waxy white substance which actually contains the virus. I’ll leave it up to you to do the Google image search. The bumps often itch, which is how the virus spreads. Scratch scratch scratch and the white stuff gets all spread around to make more bumps. Even worse, now that shaving your genitals is all the rage. One day you think you just have an ingrown hair and the next you have itchy bumps all over your genitals. And if you shave other places with that same razor, you probably just spread them there as well.
MC is no fun! But the good news is that its relatively easy to treat. First, get yourself to a doctor to make sure that is what you have. Then the most common treatments are usually burning the lesions with acid or freezing them with liquid nitrogen. Some doctors will just scrape the white stuff out. If you don’t have a lot of bumps you can try your luck with cleaning the area thoroughly, scraping out the white stuff, and then cleaning the area and your hands/implements used for scratching. If you have a weak immune system though I would recommend against this.
The other option is to just let the virus run its course. This can take up to 2 years. But seriously, who the heck wants to do that? You could infect all kinds of people and that shit itches.
The great news is that once the lesions are gone, the virus is gone. It does not hide in your body like herpes or HPV. However, just because you had it once, does not mean you can’t catch it again. If your partner still has it you could pass it back and forth to each other for eternity – and condoms aren’t going to do any good. So make sure everyone gets treated and you wash all of your towels, clothes, and sheets. And give yourself a couple weeks after the disappearance of the lesions to declare yourself MC free.
How can you protect yourself against MC? Well, really its not all that easy. If your partner has it, or someone else in your household has it (and you share towels) there is a very good chance that you will also get it. You can decrease your risks by using condoms (the female condom is actually the best for this as it covers the vulva), dental dams, and gloves. And of course, if you see something abnormal on your or your partners’ bodies then do not have sex.
Today is the 37th anniversary of Roe v. Wade and the 5th annual Blog for Choice event. For the Past 5 years NARAL has been asking bloggers questions related to the right to choose in order to raise awareness for reproductive rights and ask what they mean to us. This year’s question is:
In honor of Dr. George Tiller, who often wore a button that simply read, “Trust Women,” this year’s Blog for Choice question is:
What does Trust Women mean to you?
To me, trusting women is about understanding that we can make our own informed decisions. We do not need to be coddled. We do not need to be told misinformation in order to make the “right decision.” We do not need to be forced to look at ultrasounds of the fetus to make a decision that we’ve already thought long and hard about. We do not need to be ordered by a court to do what is best for us and our families. If kids are given comprehensive sex education they will be given the tools with which to make informed decisions about sex and family planning. Women will have the ability to prevent unwanted pregnancies and to plan families if and when they want to. We need to help women to be able to make the right decisions for them by helping everyone to be educated about sex and sexuality.
I also think that part of trusting women is listening to their stories and having more women coming forward with them (if they so choose) to show that they make hard decisions that are right for them. Abortion especially is so demonized and we normally only talk about it in terms of rape or incest cases, but what about the rest of the women out there who get them? So many women feel like they can’t come out and share their stories because they do not want to be demonized or judged for making a decision that was right for them. That was why I shared my story back in August soon after Dr. Tiller’s murder. Read it here.
Related reading:
1. STIs and Sexual Responsibility
2. Contraception
3. Can you Get Pregnant from the Withdrawal Method?
First off, I want to thank dep for the wonderful new site design. He did a great job and I hope you all enjoy it. I’ve also added a whole bunch of new recommendations along the side as well as a best of. Check them out and let me know if you think any other entries should be put in the best of section.
Secondly, in case you haven’t noticed, you can now reach my website simply by going to askgarnet.com. There is no longer a need to type in the blogspot part. It will redirect you. Eventually I may move everything over to the new URL.
And now on to a new question.
What’s a good way to introduce fisting? How do you start? What’s the best lube to use? Any techniques that are good for the novice?
Fisting is not something to be entered into lightly (no pun intended). Both parties should really think about how comfortable they are with an entire hand inside of themselves or the other person as well as whether or not they think it is actually possible. Some people just can’t get that much inside no matter how much they’re warmed up first. And some people are just fine until they look down and see just how much is inside of them and start to freak out.
Things you will absolutely need in order to fist or be fisted:
1. Trust – You absolutely have to be able to trust each other because this is a sexual act that can really surprise you and possibly really hurt you. I’ve heard a lot of people say that they are amazed at the amount of emotion that fisting brings out in them. And lets face it, there’s also the possibility of physical damage as well if precautions aren’t made and if things go too fast.
2. Communication – As with any sexual exchange communication is extremely important. But when you start entering into sexual acts that can really take a lot of patience and understanding between partners communication becomes all that much more important. If you can’t discuss what feels good with each other you definitely should not try fisting.
3. Warming up – Lets face it, a fist is a lot to take for anyone. So warm up! If you’re fisting a vagina then you can easily just use fingers. Start with one or two fingers and then add one a little at a time when she is ready. Dildos can also be used. If you are warming up an ass to be fisted I highly recommend using butt plugs to warm it up. A lot of in and out motions will wear the ass out and you’ll never get that fist in there. Instead use butt plugs of varying sizes to warm up. You can start off with something small like Little Flirt and work your way up to something like the Severin with several sizes in between.
4. Lube – Lots and lots of thick lube. I suggest something like Maximus which has a very thick consistency and lasts a good long time.
5. Gloves – Either latex or nitrile gloves depending on what you prefer and if either of you have a latex allergy. These are a great way to make your sex safer especially when stressing body parts out when fisting. They are absolutely necessary if you will be fisting an ass and will make the experience more comfortable for both of you.
Something to also keep in mind about fisting is that it might not happen the first time you try. Be patient and try not to be disappointed. It is something you should really work up to and allow a lot of time for. And if you or your partner start to feel uncomfortable, stop. You can always try again later if you want to.
And once again: communication, communication, communication. Start communicating before your clothes ever come off. Talk about your expectations and your fears. Communicate during. Talk about what feels good, what doesn’t, your emotions. Communicate afterward. Talk about what worked and what didn’t, what you learned for next time, and if there will even be a next time.
I would like to hear your point of view on 3somes … polyamorous relationships. Having sex with a third party. Any advice on positions, how to deal with emotions and how to keep it equal?
Relationships are a lot of work, a lot of really hard work. They require constant open communication, compromise, and vulnerability. Polyamorous relationships are even more work than regular old monogamy. All parties involved need to sit down and make ground rules and figure out what to do about jealousy if it arises, and it usually does. There needs to be a lot of open, honest communication and compromise or these types of relationships will absolutely not work. Some people really like the idea of polyamory, but just can’t talk openly about these things and there ends up being a big mess. It can be difficult for many since in our society we are taught to not talk about these things. Many people just expect others to read their minds and this can be frustrating enough in monogamy and really end up ruining the relationship, but forget about it when it comes to polyamory.
As far as positions go, well that’s where you can be creative. There are all kinds of things to try from each giving the other one oral sex to double penetration to having one person worshiped by the other two. There are all kinds of possibilities depending on what everyone likes and is in the mood for. Just talking about it and coming up with new ideas could be a hot venture in itself.
So really everything I’m saying here is that communication is the key to great sex and relationships no matter what type you are involved in. Also, you should always practice safer sex especially with the more people you bring into your relationships.
For more information on polyamory/open relationships check out The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt and Opening Up by Tristan Taormino. Both are really great books by women who are in open or poly relationships themselves.
Hi, I am 23 years old, I am not yet ready to get pregnant but my boyfriend keeps asking about my virginity. I told myself that I will not give my virginity but the time we had romance we both felt hot we can’t control. My question goes like this: We had sex after my period and almost 1 week we involved in sex but we use withdrawal method, is there a possibility that I get pregnant?
Most questions I receive don’t phase me, but this one got me. In fact I often don’t even answer questions right away when I get them, but I think this one deserves a quick answer.
Yes, you can get pregnant from the withdrawal method. This method is far from fool proof. When a man gets an erection a clear fluid leaks out of his urethra. This is called precum and it can have sperm in it. This can get you pregnant. Also, a lot of guys, especially the younger and/or more inexperienced ones, don’t have the control or the body awareness to be able to pull out before ejaculation. This can definitely result in pregnancy.
And then there are all the possible infections and/or diseases you can contract from unprotected sex. Just genital to genital contact is enough for a lot of stuff to be contagious.
So please PLEASE go out and get yourself some condoms. Also go to the doctor and get yourself tested for any STIs (Sexually Transmitted Infections) and get yourself a pregnancy test.
And for those of you out there who are committed to remaining virgins: this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t still be prepared. The heat of the moment happens and it is better for you to have safer sex gear (condoms, lube, dental dams, gloves) on hand just in case. Please be safe and have fun.
Here is that condom comparison blog I have been promising. This is the first time this young man has reviewed anything, but he is always bugging me about free condoms so I thought I’d make him work for them this time.
A little background info:
All three condom types are latex.
The Mamba condoms were provided by Babeland in the Eco-Sexy Kit. The blurb they include about them is “Made of silkiest feeling latex you’ll find in a condom, the Mamba is a snugger fit than our others. The Swedish manufacturer’s testing process is 15 times more stringent than any other condom company in the world. So the Mamba is not only built for sensation, it boasts a Volvo-like safety record.”
The Babeland condom was provided by Babeland (obviously) in the Bunny Love Kit. There is no info about these condoms on the website, but the back of the wrapper said that it was studded.
Trojans are what this guy normally uses so he is comparing those to the aforementioned condoms.
And on with the show …
The first condom is one I normally use: lubricated Trojan-ENZ. I use this particular number because I know it, I trust it, and it is easily found in virtually any convenience store. The material is latex and has a good amount of lubricant. The packaging can be difficult to open. This is troublesome especially when you’re girlfriend/date is getting out of the mood, or you have a time limit. While partaking in the act, it pretty much does what it is supposed to do: keep you out of parenthood. Clean up is a hassle as some of the excess fluid tends to seep out of the rim. I just figured all condoms were like this so I really didn’t think much of it. Until I sampled these next two brands: Mamba and Babeland.
I’ve never heard of either, but I was willing to try something different. The first thing about Mamba that tickled my fancy was that the packaging was really easy to open. You just tear it down the center. No more hassle and no more lost opportunities for me or my date. The fit is very comfortable as it conforms to the contour of the penis. It feels and operates like any other condom; however, taking it off is the money maker. The head end of it is larger than your everyday condom as it is more bulbous in shape. This is beneficial during clean-up because it traps all of the fluids in the head and reservoir tip. A good experience overall.
Mamba’s performance was notable, thus I was reluctant to try the Babeland-branded condom. However, for the sake of writing this comparative article, I gave it a shot. This one was different from the two I talked about because it was a studded condom. The package was very similar to that of the Trojans, therefore a little more difficult to open quickly. As for the usage, I had to consult my partner since it felt the same to me. She said that she can really feel the “little bumps” and enjoyed it overall. The bad part is that she may never let me use regular condoms again. The good part is that we both enjoyed ourselves; a goal that some sex partners struggle to achieve, especially in longer relationships. As a whole, the Babeland condom is a quality product.
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Under 18? Get your sex-ed at Scarleteen instead.
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