Moregasm

Moregasm is Babeland’s entrance into the world of comprehensive sex guides. There are quite a few out there and some are better than others. Moregasm does some things extremely well, much better than a lot of the competition, and it does other things kind of poorly. Overall though, it is one of the better sex guides I have read.

The biggest shortfall of most sex guides is that they default to heterosexual sex and treat queer sex as if it’s this other thing that other people do, but obviously not the reader. They’ll usually include a chapter about homosexuality and bisexuality and another chapter about trans folks, but always from the point of view that they’re teaching us about a foreign concept. They couldn’t possibly be teaching anyone who actually is one of those things. That can really make LGBTQQI folks feel abnormal and like maybe something is wrong with them. And is it really a comprehensive guide if they’re cutting out a good portion of the population?

Moregasm does not make this mistake. Throughout the entire book they address the reader as if they might be open to any kind of sex. This is not surprising given the writers. They are the founders of Babeland. As someone who works in a sex shop I know exactly how to talk to a customer without making any sort of judgments about who the person would be having sex with. I make sure to include all types of bodies in my discussions unless the customer makes it clear who they intend to use the object with.

At the same time, sex shop workers are used to talking directly to a person whose gender we can usually assume from looking and talking to them. We rarely try to make assumptions about the person’s sex, only about what gender they are presenting. Because of this and many other reasons they decided to write the book from the perspective of a woman for women. It can be extremely complicated to write a book that makes absolutely no assumptions what so ever. I’d really like to see someone try to do it and come out with an amazingly fantastic inclusive book. I really would. But damn it would be difficult. So I gotta give Moregasm props for being inclusive even if they wrote the book specifically for women. At least they acknowledge that fact.

Moregasm is not only inclusive, but it’s also completely accessible. The writing is light, fun, and educational. The writers know that they know more about sex than the average reader of this book, but they don’t make you feel bad for it. They celebrate your quest for knowledge and they never once put you to sleep. The colorful explicit pictures help to make the book fun and sexy although make it much more difficult for me to read on my morning commute to work on the bus. In fact I blame those giant naked pictures for me taking so long to get through this easy to read guide. It is DIFFICULT to hide them! But you’re all good if you just plan on reading this guide in the comfort of your own home, which is probably recommended anyway.

So, what doesn’t Moregasm do well?

The thing about publishing a book is that the publisher has to approve it and that means they have to approve the look of it. This can be extremely difficult if you are trying to create an all inclusive guide to sex. This book is filled with beautiful pictures of beautiful people. There are some pictures of different types of bodies, but most of them are thin, young, white, and cis-gendered. There are a few different races sprinkled around in the book. There is one picture of a trans man pictured next to a write up about trans, genderqueer, and intersexed folks. Although, I do credit them for picturing a few more androgynous women throughout the book. There are two pictures of older people, but those are tucked in the back amongst the questions about sex when you get older. And while the models aren’t all super skinny, there isn’t one person I would categorize as fat in the whole book. There is also not a single picture of anyone who is visibly disabled. This is all important because I feel that it is necessary for everyone to see themselves in a comprehensive sex guide in order for them to feel included in the discussion and because it is important for everyone to see that people of all types are sexy and beautiful in their own ways. But like I said before, this can depend hugely on what the publisher okays.

The other thing that I didn’t really like about Moregasm is that I felt that it was constantly trying to promote Babeland. This is probably going to keep this book out of a lot of other sex shops that are just as good as Babeland is. Why would a shop owner want to sell a book that is constantly telling the reader to shop at Babeland? This is especially poorly done in the section on lube. Every single lube that the book recommends is a Babeland brand lube. There are lots of good lubes out there that aren’t made by Babeland, but they aren’t mentioned. Probably because Babeland makes more money on their lubes, especially if you have to buy them from Babeland.

So overall, this book is fun, sexy, and educational. It doesn’t do everything perfectly, but it delivers where a lot of books don’t. I definitely recommend this book to all sexualities, but would recommend other books for information on sex with disabilities, aging, and trans identities.

The Tool Shed


I want to give a quick shout out to a sex shop that I visited on my honeymoon: The Tool Shed. Its located in Milwaukee (yes, I honeymooned in Milwaukee. Get over it.) and its totally awesome. I love feminist sex shops and when I travel I try to go visit ones I’ve never been to before. I’m kind of a nerd like that.

When I first walked in I was a bit taken aback by the fact that there was a dude behind the counter. But I soon realized that this guy was a very comfortable guy. No threatening or creepy vibes here.

The wife and I walked around perusing the wares and I got such joy out of fondling toys that my store doesn’t carry and that I’d never actually seen in person. I want to try the SaSi SO BADLY!! The Tool Shed had quite a selection, carrying more vibes and BDSM gear than Early to Bed has. I was like a kid in a candy shop. Some of the stuff I found to be a bit odd and was glad that we don’t carry it, but there were many other things that I wished we would carry.

After looking around for awhile I introduced myself to the non-threatening dude (I am horrible with names!) behind the counter. And this is where I probably annoyed my wife. We talked shop for like an hour. Yeah, I can just go on and on about sex toys. He told me about exciting new toys coming out and I told him they should carry my fave dildo in the whole world Ella by Lelo (Ellen on E2B’s website).

And because I hate to take up someone’s time and not buy anything, I bought my wife a pair of bicycle socks. I loved that The Tool Shed had a whole bunch of locally made stuff like socks, lingerie, jewelry, zines, and art.

So if you’re in Milwaukee definitely hit up The Tool Shed for your sex toys or even socks. They rule!

Love U Parties- Ducky’s Newest Venture


The amazing Ducky DooLittle just launched her own sex toy party company today! Check it out: Love U Parties. The site is well done and she offers products that I haven’t seen other feminist sex shops carry. Things that just make sense and you have to wonder why others aren’t carrying them. For example: the Sex in the Shower Foot Rest. How many times would that have come in handy?

The great news is that she’s paying the consultants (people who sell the toys at the parties) a big percentage of the sales. That’s big money and possibly a real career for some. I may consider doing it myself after I move to Oakland.

If you haven’t heard of Ducky before you should check out her book Sex With the Lights On: 200 Illuminating Sex Questions Answered. There are a TON of quotes from me in that book. See if you can figure out which ones!

Masturbation Haiku Contest

Over at my favorite sex shop (Early to Bed) they’re having a contest to win fun sexy things! All you have to do is write a haiku about masturbation. You can enter up to 5 haikus and the top 3 get prizes. They can be sexy, silly, fun, meaningful, sentimental, whatever you want! So head over to the Early to Bed Blog and enter for your chance to a win masturbation book, lube, a t-shirt, and/or a gift certificate.

And I get to help with the judging! So send in some good ones!

The Winner

And the winner of the lube contest is the writer of The Twat Poem! Thanks to everyone who entered and voted. I hope you’ve all enjoyed the contest as much as I did.

In other news, I will be in Minneapolis this weekend for Sexy Spring V. I will be giving a workshop entitled Owning Your Pleasure about how to get what you want out of your sex life by learning how to please yourself and ask for what you want. If you’re in the area I encourage you to come to my workshop or any of the others that interest you. It should be a fun time. I also plan on making a stop at Smitten Kitten while there because I love to roam feminist sex toy shops.

First Vibrator

This wasn’t a question in my email, but it is a question I get every day that I work at Early to Bed and often via instant messengers while on the computer. The question is “What would make a good first vibrator?”

Sex toys are super hot right now. Everyone is buying them and more mainstream companies (like Durex) are starting to sell them. There are so many sex toys on the market that it can seem really overwhelming to a first time buyer. This is especially true when you don’t know what companies make good quality toys and which make shoddy toys with great advertisements that make you think they’re better than they are.

Well here are a couple tips.

1. Don’t spend a lot of money on your first vibrator. This is a starter vibe that can help you learn what it is you like exactly. If you spend $80 on your first vibe and you find out you don’t like it your experience of sex toys is going to be a frustrating one. I really recommend spending $30 or less. You can spend more once you get to know your body.

2. Find a vibrator that either has at least 3 speeds or has an adjustable wheel to control the speeds. This way you can find a vibration that you enjoy. Maybe you like light tickly vibrations or maybe you need a deep powerful vibe. Unless you’ve experimented with your electric toothbrush or a back massager there’s no real way to know. Some suggestions of cheap vibes with lots of vibration control include: a silver bullet which I reviewed in a previous blog; a silk touch egg which not only has different speeds, but also different pulsations; or a slimline

3. As the last toy on that lists suggests, you may also want to get a toy that offers internal stimulation. Some women really enjoy internal vibrations, while others find it a strange feeling. The nice thing about these though is that you can turn the vibrator off and just use the toy as a dildo. This way you have two toys in one; it vibrates your clit and you can also use it for penetration. A great option would be a blueberry buzz which you can even take in the tub with you or if you’re interested in g-spot stimulation you can try an orchid g.

4. Buy a vibe that you think looks like fun. If you’re intimidated by it you won’t want to use it and you’ll be setting yourself up for disappointment. Vibrators are wonderful things that I believe every woman should own (as well as many men), but you need to take it at your own pace.

5. Shop at feminist sex toy shops that care about you and your health and feel free to ask lots of questions. That is what the staff is for. For more information on these types of stores consult my blog on sex toy shops

6. Finally, some shops even carry a kit specifically for first timers. Early to Bed has this first timer’s kit which includes a silver bullet, small insertable vibe, a fun animal sleeve to go over the vibes, a small bottle of lube, and even batteries so you’re all set right when you open it up.

Remember to have fun! Sex toys are one of my favoritest things in the whole entire world and hopefully you’ll enjoy them just as much as I do.